Bringing It Into the Central Park and Tracing USA.

I had the pleasure of seeing three shows in this past week, and at first I was very concerned.

I take pride in enjoying everything I see live in the theater. I am the person that LOVES the show even though everyone around me did not like it. At least - I used to be. What we do is so incredibly difficult, so, going to see a show with a critical eye does no one any good. I still believe that, so, seeing shows that I didn't enjoy concerns me. I refuse to be the critical, bitter, out-of-work actor that doesn't like anything because nothing can be perfect or because I'M not starring in it.  I know it can be difficult to watch people who can't sing the role very well have a part when getting a job as an actor can be like winning the lottery. Yes, I know, it HAPPENS ALL THE TIME. I'm prepared for it, but it still feels bad sometimes. So, let's talk about the shows. 

BRING IT ON. I really had high hopes for this musical because it was written by Tom Kitt and Lin- Manuel Miranda. I LOVED their previous shows, and I thought using the plot from this movie would translate beautifully. It just wasn't what I expected and at times I felt a little bored. Even though this was not my favorite thing I've seen on Broadway, there are still aspects of the show that need to be congratulated. The cheerleading tricks were entertaining and Adrienne Warren, who played Danielle, had an amazing voice. I'm glad I saw it because it was an experience.

INTO THE WOODS. This is such a magical experience that The Public does for us every summer, and last summer I did not take advantage of this gift. I almost missed the opportunity THIS summer and it would have been unforgiveable. Anyway, The Public puts on two FREE shows at the Delacorte Theater in Central Park. The event is called Shakespeare in the Park. Usually they do one Shakespeare show and a musical. To get tickets you can either stand in line starting as early at 3am and wait until the ticket distribution at 1pm or you can play the virtual lottery and see if you can win tickets. You can also try and get tickets in the standby line. That's what I did. I got in line at 6pm and waited until 7:45pm and I got a ticket to see the show because someone didn't claim their ticket. I sat in the second row! The whole experience is truly magical, and if you and your friends can do it right. It's such a summer treat. You can picnic all day, drink wine, and enjoy the summer weather in the park. The trouble is that we all live here so it's so easy to just say we are going to do it, but then everyone gets too busy. It's not going to happen next summer. I'm going to make it happen. I got to see INTO THE WOODS starring Amy Adams as the Baker's Wife, Denis O'Hare as the Baker and Donna Murphy as the Witch. My personal favorite for the entire evening was Jessie Mueller as Cinderella. She has such a stellar voice and stage presence. The scenes between her and the prince were AWESOME, and she could sing me the phone book. I loved the choreography: simple and sharp. The little red and wolf scene was a little intense and I thought it made her song not make sense at the end. Some of the singing wasn't my cup of tea, but the show on the whole was great. It's closing this weekend and it just feels like the end of summer.

TRACES. This was one of the most beauitful things I have EVER SEEN. If the muscial Once and Circ Du Soleil had a baby, it would be this show. I'm so disappointed that this show is closing this weekend and if you can get out there to see this gorgeous show you MUST. It's short. 90 minutes no intermission. It's a stunning acrobatic dance show. The way these performers can move and use their body is truly astounding, and their individual artistry comes through in the movement. It is a show that everyone can enjoy. It's gorgeous and breathtaking. I'm so disappointed that Sunday the 2nd is the last time to see it because I would make all my family coming into town see it. 

I guess with labor day coming up it feels like the end of summer. Everyone is back to school and I'm about to finish school. Looking forward to the Fall, to the change, and to a new season of theater. 

Meet the Summer 2012 Practicum Students!

Showcase is coming up and I'm so excited, nervous, anxious......

Mostly, I can't wait for my friends and family to see it. I think it's a great complication of all the work we have put into our craft over the years.

For the most part, rehearsals have been very individual. We go in for 30 minutes and rehearse our song, and then we go home. We also go in for an hour and rehearse our group numbers, but we haven't gotten to see the work that our fellow actors have been doing. So, on Saturday when we did a stumble through I was blown away with by my friends. Usually, we get to watch and see the process, but not this time. I learn so much watching someone else's process, but getting to see my friends do their thing is so inspiring. It goes by so fast, and it's awesome.

The public performances are:
Saturday, September 8th 7pm
Sunday, September 9th 3pm and 7pm
Tuesday, September 11th 7pm

Tickets
$10 in advance and $15 at the door
all funds benefit the practicum fundraising goals.

New York Walking Tours

I have such incredible friends that continually blow me away because they are talented in so many ways. This past Saturday I had the chance to go on an awesome walking tour created by my friend Tim Dolan.

The company is called Broadway Up Close, and seriously, it's such a great time.  I learned so many new things about the industry, specific theaters and their haunts, great anecdotes that aren't public knowledge and so much Broadway history.  Theresa is also a tour guide with the company and I can't wait to go again and hear her tour. 

Everyone that comes to town to visit me is going on this tour because it's the jam. Seriously, if you're in town, you should check it out. It's so informative and you'll have a really good time because the guides are so fun. 

GO! You won't be disappointed. 

Living the Dream

I've talked about my first few days in New York City many times before and one of them was spent sitting in the Laurie Beechman Theater feeling incredibly overwhelmed learning about the theater industry here on the east coast. Yesterday felt different. I walked into that theater with confidence and familiarity.  I thought - oh, I've seen some great work done here and yesterday was no exception.

I was lucky enough to see Fiction In Photographs - The Musical, and it was such a special experience and show. Just a little background: during the two years at CAP21, one of the projects the students must complete is a "Pop/Rock" concert/night. In the past, it had been set up like a cabaret/ pop concert type of show with maybe a thin through line. When our class got to the pop/rock project, our inspiring director - Randy Redd, had the idea to put a show together based on the music of the extremely talented Dan Mills. If you haven't had the chance to listen to his music - go. do. it. now. 

Anyway, in February 2012 the students in my class at CAP21 put on the show using the original music by Dan Mills and it was a complete success. Then Randy Redd and Dan Mills revised that show and created Fiction In Photographs - The Musical, which I got to see yesterday at the Laurie Beechman Theater. While it may seem that my love for this show is only based on my involvement in the very beginning stages of the project, that was six months ago and the show is very different now. I just had the luxury of knowing the music when I saw the show, just like any other fan of Dan Mills would.

I don't want to give the plot away, but I will tell you that I laughed and cried throughout. I saw a concert version and it was very enjoyable. I can't wait to see the full production version coming later this fall. It was clear that the cast really loved the material, and they sounded fantastic. The music allows the audience to go on a journey with the characters and they are people we care about - we want to know what happens to them. Cast included: David Mizzoni, Lauren Pritchard, Cole Burden, Alysha Deslorieux, and Adam Day. Take a moment listen to the music and then "Like" it. 

Everyone involved in this project should be very proud because it was an amazing show. 

Last Day of CAP21 Classes

It's such a weird time/sensation. At the end of last semester after we finished Children of Eden we did a graduation because technically the two-year conservatory program technically finished. However, it never felt like the end of school because I knew that I had practicum in the summer and then showcase. I thought that the class portion of the practicum was going to be similar to the classes taken in the conservatory that it wouldn't feel like I had graduated. In someways it didn't feel like I had graduated, but in a lot of ways it did.

The classes in practicum were very different than the classes we took in the conservatory program. They were geared to working on the audition songs for the casting directors and agents and then working on the callback material that was given to us. The mock auditions didn't feel like class - they felt like they were real. While the room is always set up to be a safe learning environment, I still know that the person I'm singing for right now casts eleven Broadway shows.

Anyway, today was the last day of the home classes in the practicum and we have one more mock audition for an agent. Then we go into rehearsals for showcase. I got to class feeling like I had breezed over graduation so much so that nothing was going to feel like a real ending. I suppose when a lot of my friends and family come out to see the showcase, THAT will feel like a real ending, but our vocal performance teacher gave us a few parting/inspiring words to help remind me that this is the end of an era.

Surround ourselves with the people that will go to auditions even when we don't want to. Find away to push through the sludge and go. There are definitely days that I'm not going to want to go to auditions, but I have to muster my energy and do what I love to do.

First Showcase Rehearsal

It's so interesting that I posted about working out and food tips yesterday because we started showcase rehearsals yesterday and everywhere there are conversations about different diets and workout plans. I'm glad I started working towards being in my personal best shape early because so far things are going well, and I have six more weeks to get rid of what Jillian Michaels calls vanity pounds. Hello August, you came very quickly.

Our showcase will run for about one hour. We will open with all twenty of us singing an opening number. Then we each get to sing our chosen solo song. We are also broken up into five groups of four and we get to sing a second number with our group, and then the whole company will close the show with another amazing number.

Last night we started working our opening and closing numbers. They are gorgeous and so beautifully arranged. Our musical director, Joel Waggoner, is incredibly talented and I think the songs are going to sound spetacular. These songs are definitely known songs, but the way they are arranged with new exciting harmonies will blow your mind. It's a very exciting time, and I'm hesitating to say what the songs are because I'm not sure if it's going to ruin the suspense/surprise or whatever.  I'll write about it in six weeks after it's over!

The music rehearsal yesterday did start to remind of me Children of Eden rehearsals from last semester which happened to be a very dark time for me. I'm doing my very best to keep an open mind and just let that experience go. It's in the past and it should stay in the past, but I'm so excited to showcase that it's overriding any of my lingering dark sentiments from Eden. I also have to remember that Eden was cast in Janurary. That is seven months ago - it's a whole different ballgame right now, and I'm ready to play ball.

Power of Practice

Yesterday was my last CAP21 scheduled vocal coaching. I left feeling all the hope I felt right when I first arrived in New York City 3.5 years ago. Hope for a new life and a new career in musical theater. I used to day dream about what it would be like to work as a professional, and back then I didn't know which way was up in this industry. I remember one of my first events out in NYC was with my roommate, at the time, and one of her best friends from highschool. They took me to this awesome concert of an up and coming composer, and I was completely overwhelmed by the wealth of knowledge these ladies had about the NYC theater scene. Then my first couple of auditions were filled with anticipation, excitement and real hope for a chance to perform professionally. Soon I began to feel bogged down by the sea of people with the same aspirations as me, pressures of the restaurant and the endless waiting around in those tiny rooms and halls. It got harder and harder to wake up in the morning and hope quickly turned to despair and I knew that I didn't have the tools to become stronger.

It led me to school.

Two years later I feel revived again and ready to take on the theater world. I have the necessary tools now to feel as prepared as possible. I've learned so much about the industry here in NYC and I no longer feel overwhelmed. I feel like I have a process now to help prepare me. Yet, I still feel discouraged at times because I want results faster based on my practice methods. I practice all the time. I listen to my voice lessons, record the exercises in my journal and practice them everyday. My awesome awesome awesome voice teacher from school sent me this article called How Many Hours a Day Should You Practice?   I'm trying to heed the advice in this article. Practice specifically and focused for a certain amount of time. Eventually, I'll just wake up and my technique will just be there for me. I know it's true now, but I want it to be sharper and more readily available.

Last Monday I went to my first audition in a very very very long time. I felt at ease, practiced and ready. I hope now most of all I have the confidence to continue to believe in myself and feel hopeful. I want the tools to combat the feelings of despair and rejection. Auditioning can be demoralizing but it doesn't have to be debilitating. Practice makes permanent.

New Revamp

Sometimes it feels like I only post on my blog when I'm revamping it. It's partly true. This revamp has a lot of kinks that I need to work out, but for now it will do. Now that I've graduated from CAP21 and just about to finish with the Industry Practicum, I thought it would be a good time to revamp things up and get ready for the industry.

I keep going back and forth about whether or not to maintain the blog or not, but I find it so interesting and helpful to learn what other actors are doing. So, I thought it only fair to write about what THIS actor is doing. 

As of right now, nothing too incredibly interesting is going on.  I'm just about to finish up the home classes and audition part of the Practicum and we are going into rehearsals for the showcase. I'm very excited and feeling hopeful for the future.

Acting Year End

Picture this: 11am on a Monday morning, 10 degrees outside-but the window's open, my hair's knotted up in one big dread lock, a belly filled with french fries -burgers - buffalo fingers - pickle chips - and a salad with no dressing (wanted to save on calories), an empty coffee cup from yesterday trying to be filled by a willful gaze and most importantly an empty room with a giant soap box that I'm about to step on. Ok, ready?


It's my first real day off since the end of my 1st semester at Cap. I asked my old restaurant to put me on the schedule and they did very kindly! However, I have been on the go every since the semester ended. I hadn't really let go since and I haven't gotten a chance to digest all the information that has been thrown at me. All I want to do is eat and drink. Anyway, on Saturday I volunteered to sing Christmas carols at a soup kitchen (that's for a different blog post,) and along side me I had one other gentleman caroler and we were accompanied by a medical resident. He was asking me what I "do," and when I told him I was in school for musical theater he asked me how that was going... I replied, "It's great but it's really tough and takes a lot of energy."
He laughed and said, "Oh, how hard can that be? All you guys do is sing and dance and stuff right?" I laughed gleefully in response as I reached over the table throwing any and all the food l could see at his face!

no, I didn't really do that, but I did stare him down without blinking as I lifted up my shirt reveling my six-pack abs- these didn't come over night buddy.

ok, ok, I didn't really do that either, and I don't really have six-pack abs. I might if I stopped eating all those tasty buffalo fingers. Anyway, that is besides the point. I just smiled and said actually it's a lot of work. It takes a lot to be an actor. I wish I could have shared this quote with him. It's a quote that my acting teacher gave us on our last day. I thought I would share it now with you guys and it'll be like I shared it with him:

Actors are some of the most driven, courageous people on the face of the earth. They deal with more day-to-day rejection in one year than most people do in a lifetime. Every day, actors face the financial challenge of living a freelance lifestyle, the disrespect of people who they should get "real" jobs, and their own fear that they'll never work again. Ever day they have to ignore the possibility that the vision to which they have dedicated their lives is a pipe dream. With every passing year, many of them watch as the other people their age achieve the predictable milestones of normal life-the car, the family, the house, the nest egg. But they stay true to their dream, in spite of sacrifices. Why? Because actors are willing to give their entire lives to a moment - to that line, that laugh, that gesture, or that interpretation that will stir the audience's soul. Actors are beings who have tasted life's nectar in that crystal moment when they poured out their creative spirit and touched another's heart. In that instant, they were as close to magic, God, and perfection as anyone could ever be. And in their own hearts, they know how to dedicate oneself to that moment is worth a thousand lifetimes. - David Ackert

There so take that Dr. :)

Becoming an Artist

Finally a week break from the intensity of Cap21. It's a break I didn't anticipate needing, but I'm yearning for this break.

Our last class for the week before the break is Musical Theater History. Our normal teacher was out sick, so, we had the head of the entire school teach half our class. In the first of the half the class, Frank took us on a tour of the new building because we are expanding. Right now our classes are located on the 6th floor of a building with 10 floors with "normal" business people. Everyday we fill the elevator with our yoga mats and our awful conversations about acting, singing and the woes of the aches and pains from dance. Everyday we see them role their eyes as if we are poisoning them with our voodoo conversations. Sometimes they complain about us when they think the "6th" floor people aren't in the elevator. Then we told them that lady gaga and Matthew Morrison waited on this same elevator to go to the 6th floor and they quickly shut up. Anyway, we're finally expanding. We are taking over the 5th floor and the 6th floor and we are thrilled. The halls are so cramped sometimes with all the different programs running through our halls. So, we got to see the new hall. It's amazing with lots and lots of space!

When we got back to our classroom he started talking about the history of theater and by that I mean the history of theater as it pertains to his life. Fascinating to listen to his life as an artist, and then it' just as fascinating to talk to the woman who pretty much developed A Chorus Line. Then it hit me - all these amazing works of theater have changed musical theater as we know it happened because someone created it. I know that sounds tripe, but I'm forgetting that it is important to learn the craft, but it's just as important to push the limits. To reinvent theater. We're constantly saying it in class, but it's important to do it in my career as well: Dare to be wrong.

"Awake and Sing"

One of our classes in the program is called Script Analysis. Each class has one play that they are currently researching and tearing apart. We are currently working on Clifford Odets' play "Awake and Sing," and one of our projects was to pick a movie and describe how the movie helps with research for the play. We're learning how to take outside material and think about how the characters functioned during the times.

Mr. Simpson helped me choose "The Cradle Will Rock" written and produced by Tim Robbins.

“The Cradle Will Rock” depicts the economic times of America in the 1930s. The Great Depression was in full swing, labor strikes were happening across the nation, and Americans were beginning to feel the pressure of Fascist Germany and fearing a communism/socialist government take over. As the movie begins, we read in the beginning credits that the Work Projects Administration, a program that was a part of the New Deal, has a budget for the Federal Theater Project. This program brings low cost theatre to the USA thereby giving professional actors work and theater to the people.

We are introduced to a beautiful destitute young woman sleeping illegally in a theater who “sings for a nickel.” She later, by the generosity of the unemployment teller, gets a job as a stage hand in a show produced by Orson Welles and John Houseman. We also meet a talented and tormented composer, Marc Bliztstein, who later creates a musical called, “The Cradle Will Rock.” The production is funded by the Federal Theater Project and produced and directed by Welles and Houseman. The young homeless stagehand steals an audition slot and is cast as the leading lady for the show. Another one of the actors, Aldo Silvano, is an Italian immigrant trying to make a way for his family in America without the support of his Mussolini devoted rich parents. Mussolini’s former mistress, Margherita Sarfatti, starts to politically align herself with tycoon Gray Mathers whose wife, Contesse LaGrange, actively supports and helps Welles’ theater production. A vaudeville ventriloquist, Tommy Crickshaw, is struggling to keep his act together. Meanwhile, Nelson Rockefeller is disturbed by Diego Rivero’s mural that he painted in the Rockefeller center based on Rivero’s desired social revolution. The Committee on Un-American Activities investigates The Federal Theater Project and cuts their funds by 20% forcing the theater to shut down and forbidding the show to go on with the help of government guards. The actors find a way to do play from their seats in a different theater.

This movie constantly begs the questions: (How far is one willing to go? How much will one risk? How much does one sacrifice for their beliefs and at what cost?) These type of questions are illustrated when we see Silvano and his wife discussing their living situation. They have six people living in a one-bedroom apartment infested with rats, and yet Silvano refuses to take his parents money for a new apartment because they are Mussolini supporters. This is a difficult sacrifice that not many people could have made. We start to understand why the characters of Odets' play would make some of the despicable choices they made. The mother of the play, Bessie, tricked a young immigrant into marrying her daughter although she was already pregnant with a different man’s baby. These horrible choices that Bessie is forced to make are understandable to someone who is willing to do absolutely anything for the love and well being of their family. In both examples, their choices are prideful and we are left to wonder if the result is worth the cost.

In the scene where the socialist artist, Diego Rivera, argues with Margherita Sarfatti about their political views she calls him a wealthy communist and he calls her a Jewish loving Fascist. It’s easier for us to understand why people like Jacob believed in a communist nation based on how workers were treated and how the unemployed were treated. These issues were demonstrated throughout the movie and made us feel more compassionate to the idea of a social revolution.

This movie shows fear and how the absence of knowledge plays in ones comfort level and choices. The presence of fear is what drives so many of Odets’ characters to live in misery including Moe, Hennie, Bessie, and Ralph. This movie gives us a social and economical description of America at the time adding more understanding to the complexity of Odets’ play.

I'm not sure if it was because I was so "raw" from the Art Alive project, however, I couldn't help but notice how the actual use of painted visual art was so prevalent in the movie.

I know that we are obviously in the more academic side of things right now, but I am definitely soaking everything that I can up! Tonight we went and saw the Industry showcase for the end of the program and all the performers were amazing! I look forward to getting there

Art Alive

Yesterday and today my acting class had to perform there solo Art Alive Piece. We all went to the met and picked a piece of art that inspired us. From this piece of art we had to create a 3-5 minute performance piece from our own inspiration. We had limited restrictions. It could be anything. We couldn't just read from our journal, but anything else - the sky is the limit.

These types pf projects are absolutely terrifying for me. My first thought is 1) I'm not creative enough for this. 2) I don't really "Get Art" and 3) THIS IS FOR ARTSY FARTSY PEOPLE. I mean seriously..... how on Earth can I create something from nothing. This is going to look and feel incredibly silly. MY very creative and artfully generous teacher said to me, "You're going to be fine." She obviously could see the sheer terror in my face when she was explaining to us what we were required to do.

I could hardly sleep the night before we went to the met. There was just absolutely NO WAY TO PLAN THIS. There is no way to be pre plan this project and let myself be safe. It's so interesting to be so terrified when there is NO WRONG answer. How on Earth could that be terrifying?

When I arrived at the Met, I was thinking, " Oh Crap - This is so overwhelming. I'm not going to find anything that inspires me. I don't even know what inspires me." Those thoughts are running through me as I spent the first 10 minutes there just trying to get my barrings on the museum. It took me forever just to figure my way around, which left me only 20 minutes to be inspired. Inspired is not the same as overwhelmed. I looked at a couple of pieces of art before I stumbled upon Juan's The Sense of Site. I really started thinking about all the things that I could associate with this piece of art. I even walked away from the piece of art, but I couldn't let it go. I just had millions of associations with this one piece of art.

Then when I was listening to my ipod on the train, I started thinking about school and the Glee rendition of "Dream on" came on. Ideas started flooding into my brain and all of a sudden I had my entire piece almost worked out. I went back to the piece of art that I had seen at the met and I all of a sudden 100 more ideas came to mind, and I realized that maybe my first interpretation of the piece was wrong. I still look at it now, and I think that my second idea might have been more in tune with what the artist was trying to get across. However, I wanted to go with my gut because I was connected to the idea, and I didn't want to second guess myself.

My piece was about the internal and external struggle of good and evil everyone struggles with themselves. How often have we looked in the mirror and despised what we saw? Have you EVER been able to look at yourself in the mirror and told yourself everything you did that and all the things you were proud of yourself for doing then at the end looked at yourself directly in the eye and said "I love you." - ? I can't tell you enough how difficult that has been for me, and how much of a mental block that has been for me. It was difficult for me to even work on the piece for long amounts of time because I really allowed myself to explore that evilness that I believe lives inside of everyone. I had horrible nightmares. I dreamed that I murdered Mr. Simpson in cold blood. I used a staple gun and then stapled F You on the front of our wooden door. It's terrifying.

I showed my piece today in class, and it was terrifying to show that type of vulnerability to relationships that are 4 weeks old. While these peoples are colleagues and friends, they are also our future co-workers and employers. I find though it's tricky to be critical and judgmental when people have poured time and themselves into the project. It's truly inspiring to see. I loved watching the other pieces. I loved the way they made me feel uncomfortable, light-hearted and it was interesting to see the same type of torment that so many of us go through in performance. It was also interesting the relationship I started to develop with my own work. The part of me that felt silly and awkward started to leave when I felt like I was in there. I was in this project. I'm showing something that is horrifying to me. It's hard to judge that, and when Larry today asked in class if there was anything we could do to make it better. I had trouble answering that question because the piece was what it was. Sure, I wish I had rehearsed in the space and felt a little comfortable in my environment. I wish I had ended the piece better and left a beat, but I felt proud of the story. I felt proud of the route I decided to go, and I felt brave for showing that to my classmates.

Now, don't get me wrong... I still think a lot of acting exercises are artsy fartsy, but today was a huge accomplishment for me. I would consider it a "break through."

Singing Abomination

Ever want to die right on the spot?

You know, that lingering feeling that death is the only eminent thing that could possibly make whatever you're going through at that moment any better? I guess death doesn't have to be the only solution. I'm sure one could strip off all their cloths and run a muck turning over tables and waiting for some hot police officer to come in cuff 'em and get thrown in the back of the cop car. Then one might get tortured with "waffle facing" and what not - just not worth it. Go big or go home. Pray for death.

That moment just happened to me. It's definitely been a few hours later, but I can't seem to shake off the embarrassment.

I woke up in the early hour of noon knowing I had a voice lesson at 2pm in Harlem. I had a great lesson with my teacher who I used to sing with once a week in San Francisco and now I it's more like once a quarter because she can't travel to NYC that often. However, it was very great to see her and I think I really made some headway in singing. She re-energized me vocal exercises to get these new habits in my body. My tongue is caught in the back of my throat and so I get around my break-e, eflat, f -and sound all throaty, hooty, covered and dark. It's just really bad. Since I had a good lesson, I thought I would go down to "In the Heights" audition and see if I could crash the equity call.

It's 4pm now and I go in. I ask the equity moniter if any of the non-equity people are being seen. He said, "We saw about 90 and then she decided that she wants to see your headshot and resume and she'll decide if she wants to hear you." So I gave him mine, and he came out to tell me that she does want to see me and I'm next.

For those of you who aren't familiar with the show, it's a rock/pop show. I was supposed to sing 16 bars of a pop/rock song. I'M TERRIBLE AT POP

uuuuh... I'm in kaki's and a brown shirt. Usually people are wearing skirts, dresses, and looking like it's fashion show instead of an audition. I didn't have any makeup on and he says - honey you have such a natural beauty you really don't need any make up.


I went in and thanked them for seeing me.

I should have turned around and walked out because I went to he accompanist. Gave her my 8 bar cut and I couldn't hear my part. My notes. I was a complete disaster. I opened my mouth and the in the first two measures I sang EVERY NOTE WRONG. WRONG AND BADLY. So badly that I stopped singing and said I'm sorry I have to start over. Of course that's a big big no-no in the singing world.

BUT THEN.

I sang it wrong again.

I knew there was no going back and fixing it so I just pushed through the rest of the 8 bars. I looked at her and you should have seen her face. She said to me with her eyes - please please please please please stop singing. I'll do anything. Her hand was in her hair and I SWEAR I saw her pull on it.

I have to face it. I'm not good at pop. I really suck at pop and everytime I try to sing it - I fall flat. I wish I could have run across the table and pulled my headshot from her hot little hands so she wouldn't remember my name. I have got to figure out this style of singing otherwise I'm gonna die here in New York.

My First New York Audition

I’m not sure if I’ll be able to call this my first NYC audition because I’m not sure if I’ll get seen since I am a non-equity at an equity call, and I did go to that West Side Story Audition. Ok, let’s call this my first audition since living here. I posted on my facebook today that I was going to auditions today. I’m so blessed to have this incredible network of friends and family that love me and support me because I got here and already had a million text messages showering me with love and confidence. I couldn’t help but wonder as I stepped off the subway at 6:30am dressed to the nines how long it will take to get old. By “get old” I mean, the thrill of auditioning, the getting up at 5:00am to get to an audition you may not be seen at, the constant waiting, the love and support – essentially all of it. Will I write on my facebook status- 702566788347 audition? Yes, I probably will. I love this room. I love this environment and I don’t mind the waiting.

I learned a couple of really important things:

I’m at an Equity call in the equity office. Equity is the union for actors and stage managers. If you are apart of this union, you are considered a professional actor. You no longer can audition for unpaid shows. Non-Equity folks can show up to audition, but you may or may not be seen. So I had been advised to show up first and early.

When I arrived at 6:30am, I discovered that four lists exist and you should find out what list you must sign up for before you get there. 1) Equity with appointments. 2) Equity without appointments. (alternatives) 3) EMC (Equity Membership Candidate) 4) Non-Equity. The class hierarchy is pretty much amazing. There is an equity lounge that is moniterd. Noone can pass the monitor unless they show their equity card or EMC card. In this lounge there are woman dressing rooms, pillars with mirrors, bathroom, comfortable chairs, plugs and information on other auditions – actors haven. If you’re non-equity, you’re sitting in the hall on these skinny little brown benches that make your butt go numb within ten minutes of sitting and you’re not allowed to use the bathroom.

No, I’m serious.

If you’re non-equity and you have to use the bathroom, you have to walk outside of the building and around the corner to the McDonalds. It really blew my mind but I’m not kidding you. It’s true.

Anyway, it just so happens I had to wait until 10am to go into the equity lounge because I had not picked up my EMC card yet, and the office didn’t open until then. Once I got my card, I thoroughly enjoyed my time sitting and waiting in equity lounge only to discover that at 12:00pm that EMCs will not, in fact, be seen.

It’s ok. I know it’s a tough market but what’s it going to take to be seen?! This is the second time I’ve gone out there and the second time I haven’t had a chance to sing. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not discouraged ALREADY! I’m just eagerly awaiting my turn. It’s coming. I know it.

Almost 2009

Aw, I haven’t updated in a while, but I needed a break from my crazy.

Ok. Fine. I have a small chance from escaping all my crazy, but I needed a break from my larger crazy that consumes my heart, my soul and my spirit. It has truly been a long time since I have felt so stoic, cold, empathetic and just a walking contradiction. At times I’m filled with an outpour of emotion, and other times – I’m emotionally numb. Believe you me - these are not my darkest days. I’m working through it and I am not alone. My spirit is filled with hope despite the whisperings of fear, despair and aloneness. I know that I am not alone, and that this is just part of my path. I have found peace in knowing that this is just part of my plan.

The show is wonderful. I have loved every single moment that I have had spending time with the cast, the music and Jennifer. She brings lightness to me that I have been craving, and I love it. I get a chance to wallow in her stupidity, ignorance, vein spirit and tragic soul! I love it. Love it love it love it! Three more weeks of that show, and then it’s over. I have been dreading that a little bit.

I’m also working on the Christmas show. It’s great. It’s wonderful. We’re going up next week, and I still have some memorizing to do, but I will be ok. I’m not too worried about it. Tonight we get to meet the kids, and I’m looking forward to it!

I cannot believe that today is December 2nd. What a year, and the start of 2009 will be fantastic!! Just 39 more days until I leave!!

Sooooo Good to be Back

My mind should not be idle.
I should always be in a show.
I should always be surrounded by people.

At least for right now.

Being back with the cast was so wonderful. Seeing the emails fly back and forth about how I am not very much fun at parties and how I should "Drink what the lady is serving" made my day! I knew it was going to be a good show.

Sure enough, it was a great show. I mean sure, I had a little phlegm in the back of my throat that I should have cleared out, but eh. It was fine! At the end of "Moon in my Window" some one verbally said that was beautiful! So, that made me feel good, and they didn't start clapping through the acappella part. Thus, they must hear me. It's such a low song in my register. However, let me tell you the funniest part about tonight.

We are all alcoholics in the show, and I think that I have mentioned that before. However, there is this one party scene where we are all together laughing and drinking even with the little 12 year old gondola boy. The mistress of the house pours him a little spot of campari which is supposed to be ice tea! However!!!!!! Oh however!!!!! She doesn't know that the campari she has poured for the young boy is NOT tea! It is campari!

I really should not be laughing about this, and truly it makes me not want my children to be in theatre because they grow fast surrounded by so many adults in their spare time! They will be watching Dumbo until they are 12! They will be little angels and baking cookies with their mother! Not drinking campari with a cast filled with adults!

I'm just glad to be back in the comforts of theatre makes me feel less crazy.

We Open Tonight

And I'm feeling SAD!

This will be my last opening night in the bay area for a while. I hope it won't be my last opening night forever.

The Count Down to NYC begins.

The laundry list of events is piling up including: how I shaved off a layer of my skin on accident, the go carting experience on Saturday, Squeaks running into herself in the mirror, the hour before rehearsal last night at the pizza shop, the differences between suburbia and the city, but I think for some the anticipated results of the audition for Into the Woods is more of a pressing issue to divulge.

The audition itself went incredibly well. The usual self sabotage did take place, but I persevered and sang my very best. My reaction to the callback list happened to be the least anticipated; I felt relieved and overjoyed.

I have overcome so many obstacles my last three years in the bay area and to see that I was one of five people called back for Cinderella’s step sisters in a house with equity contracts with over 100 bay area actors auditioning felt like a paycheck. After all the hard work, I’m finally starting to go somewhere. All that said, I passed on the callback and decided to proceed with the move to New York.

So, it looks like I now have an official date of January 12th 2009.

My roommate and I put in an application for an apartment in Washington Heights, and we are eagerly awaiting the results. If that does not pan out, we have begun to aggressively search for places around the cheaper areas of Manhattan.

I’m filled with grief leaving the only area I have ever known and deeply love. The terrifying fear of failure is daunting, and I’m haunted by the fact I will be alone in a cut-throat city.

I will miss my support system of friends out here, and I hope to spend time with everyone before I leave because I will need you when I’m out there more than any other time I have ever needed you.

Last Bay Area Audition Tomorrow.

Into the Wood's audition really crept up from right behind me. I remember receiving an email from the artistic director saying i've heard great things about your work, I hope you can come out to the audition. It amazes me how far a little genuine compliment will get you because I have in my head since that e-mail, I'm going to audition for this production. That was back in May perhaps it was April. So much so that my move date for New York has not been set yet because the status of this production has not yet been determined. I decided that I will either move January 10th or Feb 9th depending on what happens with this audition. It's been in my mind this way since August, and now all of a sudden it's tomorrow?!?

It's such a strange thing because I'm feeling really ill prepared, but the truth is that I'm singing a song that I know very well. I know the show well enough, and I'm no more prepared than I was for WSS or Do I Hear a Waltz auditions. I think because I have built this event up so much in my mind, and a lot is riding on it - it feels like a bigger deal than it I know it is.

It doesn't matter if I don't get this show. You win some and loose most. It's not like Maria which was a dream role for me, but it's a show that I love and I think it would be fun to do. However, it's very different to not get a role in a show that you really want versus getting a role in a show that you think would be fun. The very first time I started to become obsessed with a show in this weird I want to get a role way was Throughly Modern Millie, and it was my first audition since I started studying with my new interum teacher. I had just come off 9 months of studying with someone who was not working for me, and I had to go into some vocal rehab, and then came the Millie audition. I knew it was going to be the first audition that I really really wanted since all the mess, so, I obsessed over it. Listened to the soundtrack everyday. practiced every song everyday. Jumped into tap classes 4 or 5 times a week to brush up on my skills. I had a voice lesson right before I was going to audition, and after singing through my two songs, I basically paralized myself with fear. I drove half way there, and TURNED AROUND! I called the emergency number listed, and said," I'm sorry I can't comitt to the performances", and I TURNED AROUND! I didn't even audition.

A feeling of releif came over me, and I wasn't sure if I had made myself that miserable about "failure," if it was because it had been so long since I had sung well, or if I had put myself through all this unnecessary pressure causing loads of stress! I started to comptiplate whether or not I had bordered insanity or if I was just infact not prepared, which was the excuse I sent to my brain. "I'm just not ready" This was at DLOC for goodness sake, not a Broadway Revival.

That was two years ago. I have come a long way in those two years. I hadn't been like that about a show until West Side Story. Luckily, it wasn't as bad because I was starting to get cast in stuff again, and I had played leads roles since. Plus, at the time of the audition I happened to be in another show. Thus, I really didn't have the time to obsess in the way I did for Millie. When for a split second I thought I wasn't going to be Maria, I was beside myself for a few days because I had prepared for that audition for a year. I knew it was coming, and I wanted it soooooooooooo badly. I could not imagine being so close AGAIN for the second time to play such an incredible role and then miss it, again. When I didn't get Mabel in Pirates, I thought meyeah.... I'll get it next time.

Now I'm faced with the Woods audition, and I'm not sure how I'm going to react because I have become obsessed with the show, but in a different way. I would love love love to play Cinderella or Bakers Wife or even Rapanze, but I think I would be disappointed and hope for the next time I'll get to play the part. Not sitting in my car bawling for 15 minutes before attempting to drive home slurring "Win some loose most" into the answering machine of my so not available boyfriend at the time.

I'm not sure how I'm going to react about these auditions. I can already tell you that I'm feeling "ill prepared," and I think it's because I discovered how stiff my competition is because there are over 100 people auditioning. Egads. This ill prepared bull has got to escape my mental physcie otherwise I will never hack it in New York. It's the "Oh, I wasn't really prepared that's why I didn't get it." Put the negative energy out there, and the negative results will happen.

So, I'm trying to change my attitude, and thinking about how I'm going to go in there and nail that audition tomorrow! All I have is my very best, and if there is someone else that can do the role, then I'll go do the role in New York.

Back to the Salt Mines

Positive things happening in this wonderful time of unemployment:

I went to a job interview landed a contracting gig until December 31st, and I am extremely happy! Extremely. Only con is that it's in the east bay which is close to my rehearsal, all great, except working in my voice lesson located in San Francisco. That is a little tricky, but it's ok. We can get the ball rolling. I'm happy to be moving forward with plans to move to New York, but I'm dealing with the headache of income tax and being an independent contractor. Luckily, I've got my awesome awesome family to support and help me. Thank you really truly a million!

I also land a job and then head to wine country. I'm happy to be getting to all the places that I love and should spend some serious time because I'm moving.

Anyway, I'm also getting to see some really great musical theatre in the bay area! Yesterday, I saw the preview for Broadway by the Bay's rendition of Into the Woods, and their run started off with a bang! I've been reluctant to talk about/review shows that I have recently seen because it is artistic creativity that everyone seems to have different opinions about. I realize that what I am about to tell you is my sole opinion, and that's it: nothing more and nothing less.

The absolute highlight was the witch. She has an amazing amazing voice which I have remembered since I heard her at callbacks for everything I was called back for this summer. She is truly an exceptional talent with an incredible belt and soprano that she easily shifted styles with gracefulness and elegance. Cinderella was cute and bubbely, and nailed those difficult Sondheim pieces that give the misconception of being easy. The music is by no means easy! Very talented cast. It was great to see an old teacher and director perform in a role that was obviously written for him. Marc Jacobs did an excellent job as the narrator.

The sets were beautiful. The bean stalk is a tricky tricky set piece, and it was the only moment that I thought -ek, that looks a little just not right, but what else could they do? It's tricky, but it looked a little odd compared to the set pieces that were amazing.

Of course there were a few technical errors that are to be expected in every performance especially at a preview. There were a few moments that actors were not in the light or they were not lit. You could only see shadows on their faces. The mics weren't on when the actor had already started talking. The mic for the wolf/prince was scratchy and ruined a few great moments in the wolf song... sadly.

Broadway by the Bay produces an excellent calibar of shows for theatre lovers in the bay area. I highly recommend this production. It's great.

I also got a chance to see the Tony Award winning production of Spring Awakening, which was amazing in it's own ways with lots of amazing amazing music. Plus, I got to see ACLO's Grease that is showcasing a lot my friend's incredible talents and gifts. On the whole, the past two weeks have been stressful, whirl-windy and good.

I'm eager to enjoy the last weekend of freedom, and then get back to work on Tuesday.