Into the Wood's audition really crept up from right behind me. I remember receiving an email from the artistic director saying i've heard great things about your work, I hope you can come out to the audition. It amazes me how far a little genuine compliment will get you because I have in my head since that e-mail, I'm going to audition for this production. That was back in May perhaps it was April. So much so that my move date for New York has not been set yet because the status of this production has not yet been determined. I decided that I will either move January 10th or Feb 9th depending on what happens with this audition. It's been in my mind this way since August, and now all of a sudden it's tomorrow?!?
It's such a strange thing because I'm feeling really ill prepared, but the truth is that I'm singing a song that I know very well. I know the show well enough, and I'm no more prepared than I was for WSS or Do I Hear a Waltz auditions. I think because I have built this event up so much in my mind, and a lot is riding on it - it feels like a bigger deal than it I know it is.
It doesn't matter if I don't get this show. You win some and loose most. It's not like Maria which was a dream role for me, but it's a show that I love and I think it would be fun to do. However, it's very different to not get a role in a show that you really want versus getting a role in a show that you think would be fun. The very first time I started to become obsessed with a show in this weird I want to get a role way was Throughly Modern Millie, and it was my first audition since I started studying with my new interum teacher. I had just come off 9 months of studying with someone who was not working for me, and I had to go into some vocal rehab, and then came the Millie audition. I knew it was going to be the first audition that I really really wanted since all the mess, so, I obsessed over it. Listened to the soundtrack everyday. practiced every song everyday. Jumped into tap classes 4 or 5 times a week to brush up on my skills. I had a voice lesson right before I was going to audition, and after singing through my two songs, I basically paralized myself with fear. I drove half way there, and TURNED AROUND! I called the emergency number listed, and said," I'm sorry I can't comitt to the performances", and I TURNED AROUND! I didn't even audition.
A feeling of releif came over me, and I wasn't sure if I had made myself that miserable about "failure," if it was because it had been so long since I had sung well, or if I had put myself through all this unnecessary pressure causing loads of stress! I started to comptiplate whether or not I had bordered insanity or if I was just infact not prepared, which was the excuse I sent to my brain. "I'm just not ready" This was at DLOC for goodness sake, not a Broadway Revival.
That was two years ago. I have come a long way in those two years. I hadn't been like that about a show until West Side Story. Luckily, it wasn't as bad because I was starting to get cast in stuff again, and I had played leads roles since. Plus, at the time of the audition I happened to be in another show. Thus, I really didn't have the time to obsess in the way I did for Millie. When for a split second I thought I wasn't going to be Maria, I was beside myself for a few days because I had prepared for that audition for a year. I knew it was coming, and I wanted it soooooooooooo badly. I could not imagine being so close AGAIN for the second time to play such an incredible role and then miss it, again. When I didn't get Mabel in Pirates, I thought meyeah.... I'll get it next time.
Now I'm faced with the Woods audition, and I'm not sure how I'm going to react because I have become obsessed with the show, but in a different way. I would love love love to play Cinderella or Bakers Wife or even Rapanze, but I think I would be disappointed and hope for the next time I'll get to play the part. Not sitting in my car bawling for 15 minutes before attempting to drive home slurring "Win some loose most" into the answering machine of my so not available boyfriend at the time.
I'm not sure how I'm going to react about these auditions. I can already tell you that I'm feeling "ill prepared," and I think it's because I discovered how stiff my competition is because there are over 100 people auditioning. Egads. This ill prepared bull has got to escape my mental physcie otherwise I will never hack it in New York. It's the "Oh, I wasn't really prepared that's why I didn't get it." Put the negative energy out there, and the negative results will happen.
So, I'm trying to change my attitude, and thinking about how I'm going to go in there and nail that audition tomorrow! All I have is my very best, and if there is someone else that can do the role, then I'll go do the role in New York.
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