Art Alive

Yesterday and today my acting class had to perform there solo Art Alive Piece. We all went to the met and picked a piece of art that inspired us. From this piece of art we had to create a 3-5 minute performance piece from our own inspiration. We had limited restrictions. It could be anything. We couldn't just read from our journal, but anything else - the sky is the limit.

These types pf projects are absolutely terrifying for me. My first thought is 1) I'm not creative enough for this. 2) I don't really "Get Art" and 3) THIS IS FOR ARTSY FARTSY PEOPLE. I mean seriously..... how on Earth can I create something from nothing. This is going to look and feel incredibly silly. MY very creative and artfully generous teacher said to me, "You're going to be fine." She obviously could see the sheer terror in my face when she was explaining to us what we were required to do.

I could hardly sleep the night before we went to the met. There was just absolutely NO WAY TO PLAN THIS. There is no way to be pre plan this project and let myself be safe. It's so interesting to be so terrified when there is NO WRONG answer. How on Earth could that be terrifying?

When I arrived at the Met, I was thinking, " Oh Crap - This is so overwhelming. I'm not going to find anything that inspires me. I don't even know what inspires me." Those thoughts are running through me as I spent the first 10 minutes there just trying to get my barrings on the museum. It took me forever just to figure my way around, which left me only 20 minutes to be inspired. Inspired is not the same as overwhelmed. I looked at a couple of pieces of art before I stumbled upon Juan's The Sense of Site. I really started thinking about all the things that I could associate with this piece of art. I even walked away from the piece of art, but I couldn't let it go. I just had millions of associations with this one piece of art.

Then when I was listening to my ipod on the train, I started thinking about school and the Glee rendition of "Dream on" came on. Ideas started flooding into my brain and all of a sudden I had my entire piece almost worked out. I went back to the piece of art that I had seen at the met and I all of a sudden 100 more ideas came to mind, and I realized that maybe my first interpretation of the piece was wrong. I still look at it now, and I think that my second idea might have been more in tune with what the artist was trying to get across. However, I wanted to go with my gut because I was connected to the idea, and I didn't want to second guess myself.

My piece was about the internal and external struggle of good and evil everyone struggles with themselves. How often have we looked in the mirror and despised what we saw? Have you EVER been able to look at yourself in the mirror and told yourself everything you did that and all the things you were proud of yourself for doing then at the end looked at yourself directly in the eye and said "I love you." - ? I can't tell you enough how difficult that has been for me, and how much of a mental block that has been for me. It was difficult for me to even work on the piece for long amounts of time because I really allowed myself to explore that evilness that I believe lives inside of everyone. I had horrible nightmares. I dreamed that I murdered Mr. Simpson in cold blood. I used a staple gun and then stapled F You on the front of our wooden door. It's terrifying.

I showed my piece today in class, and it was terrifying to show that type of vulnerability to relationships that are 4 weeks old. While these peoples are colleagues and friends, they are also our future co-workers and employers. I find though it's tricky to be critical and judgmental when people have poured time and themselves into the project. It's truly inspiring to see. I loved watching the other pieces. I loved the way they made me feel uncomfortable, light-hearted and it was interesting to see the same type of torment that so many of us go through in performance. It was also interesting the relationship I started to develop with my own work. The part of me that felt silly and awkward started to leave when I felt like I was in there. I was in this project. I'm showing something that is horrifying to me. It's hard to judge that, and when Larry today asked in class if there was anything we could do to make it better. I had trouble answering that question because the piece was what it was. Sure, I wish I had rehearsed in the space and felt a little comfortable in my environment. I wish I had ended the piece better and left a beat, but I felt proud of the story. I felt proud of the route I decided to go, and I felt brave for showing that to my classmates.

Now, don't get me wrong... I still think a lot of acting exercises are artsy fartsy, but today was a huge accomplishment for me. I would consider it a "break through."