Monday, April 28, 2008

West Side Story

I had an incredible stay on Cloud 9, but then Coco, wedding and mom took over my life. Thus, there has been a delay on my theatre story.

I still haven’t heard from Woodminster regarding Pirates, but I know they are going through 2nd callbacks for Millie May 10th. So, I’m still hopeful. Yet, I do have Into the Woods to audition for and there is still some stuff up in the air.

So, I had rehearsal for Coco at 12pm – 5pm on the day of West Side Story callbacks, and I was told that if I got called back to come at 10am no matter what the schedule said. I happily complied and headed to the callbacks in nervous anticipation. I have and had mixed feelings about this because I have wanted to play this part forever, and I couldn’t believe that my chance has come AND I HAVE REHEARSAL.  At callbacks you have the luxury of watching the other talented people up for the same role. I find myself inspired by their creativity. However, having the one on one time with the musical director and director was extremely beneficial, and really reduced the anxiety “to perform” the pressure of a million eyeballs watching you. I left the West Side Story callbacks feeling like I had done my personal best, but of course a few hours later, I find myself second guessing a few of my choices.

My Grease callbacks were on the Monday after. I was still feeling like I had a fighting chance for Maria, but I then discovered who my competition was and my heart dropped to the floor taking every ounce of energy to not burst into tears right then and there. The competition for Grease was fierce. I thought I read well, but my vocal chops for Sandy just aren’t there. I’m not a belter, and the other two girls put the fan in fantastic! Plus, they both could dance, and I knew I really didn’t have a shot, but it was fun to be there and sing, dance and watch. I almost died during the dance callback because my very energetic and talented dance partner picked me up and um almost hit my head on the ceiling and tossed me around like a rag doll. I shrieked, and people soon discovered by the sheer terror on my face that I was actually afraid. He got kindly scolded, and I felt bad because I didn’t want him to think I meant to get him into trouble.

So, completely discouraged I got into my car and I cried the whole way home. The whole time talking out loud to myself (not an exaggeration) that it was ok! You win some loose most. I did my best, and this happens to me all the time! Fight the disappointment. I called my friends told them the “news,” and words of encouragement and extreme support came my way except for the ONE person, who said,
“have you seen the cast list?”
“Then stop it!”
“Can you just pretend for one second that I HAVE seen the cast list. What would you say?”
“Congratulations. ”

Then Wednesday came and I got the call with the real news that I actually in fact had been cast as Maria. It was so overwhelming that I began to cry AGAIN. I know I know… I’m always crying. The director said to me, “When I watched you at the Grease callback, I thought, don’t kill my Maria!” It was very gratifying, but man if only I had not lost so much faith. I could have spared myself one emotional roller coaster of a week!

I am so thrilled to be so lucky!

Thursday, April 17, 2008

I Feel Pretty!!!!!!!

Because I'm going to be singing Maria in ACLO's production of West Side Story.

Let me come down from Cloud 9, and I'll tell you the story tomorrow.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

I'm still living...

I've only paused on the callback story because I am still awaiting the casting results...

more to follow.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Is it October yet?

From September of last year until April of this year I filled my time with Pasha, Dr. McDreamy, House, Michael Scott, the cast of Heroes, a cabaret show, some dinner type theatre, and I counted down the days until April 1st arrived to begin rehearsing for Coco. You know the show that I have been cast in for the past NINE months. The show that cast me and said, “sure, have a baby just as long as it doesn’t conflict with rehersals.”

I’ve learned a lot from being in this show. First of all and most of all, rehearsing six days a week in April just about kills your chance to audition for summer productions which really sucks. I will tell you that I wouldn’t take it back for the world.

The production of Coco is going to be fantastic. The talent in the cast was strikingly intimidating, but incredibly motivating. I have been knee deep in rehearsals, auditions and CALL BACKS. I have been called back for Maria in West Side Story, Millie in 7 Brides, Sandy in Grease and Mabel in Pirates of Penzance. These callbacks have all taken place right on top of each other in the midst of rehearsal and bachlorette parties. I can’t find which way is up, and I find myself standing on the stage 100% convinced I’m sleeping.

This production of Coco has not been produced since the original was produced with Katharine Hepburn in the 1970s. I’ve heard a lot of buzz around the show, and I feel privileged to be part of the production. The show features Andrea Marcovicci as Coco Channel, and the Bay Area talented song birds will be a delight to see. For the 42nd Street newbies –keep in mind that everyone carries their script on stage, and the usage of props and costumes are kept to a minimum. The focus of the production is the singing, and it’s a treat to hear the music every night in rehearsal.

As a refresher, I read some of my not-so-recent posts about theatre, and I felt I have left some holes in some of my postings.

I did not get cast in Chicago! I am pleased to say that the cast was incredible, and they had a sold out run.

I obviously got cast in Coco despite my discouraging callback.

The general callbacks proved to be successful for me. I got a lot of calls and emails calling me back for various types of shows. I have even gotten calls to step into a production that had already been rehearsing. I suppose someone dropped out. Regardless, they were very very successful.

I re-read the post about 4 auditions, 4 callbacks, and ZERO castings… I know I know, I always say it… win some loose most. My own words struck a deep seeded nerve with me because I had FOUR callbacks THIS WEEKEND. Please may 4 not be my number nemesis.

With all this performing great sacrifice has accompanied the success, sadly. I missed my really really good friend’s wedding in Hawaii. It’s made me very very sad, but I’m looking forward to event on the 19th that Pash and I are happily attending.

Saturday, April 5, 2008

The Battered Wife

I never understood the battered wife syndrome because it seemed pretty simple.

He hits you.
You leave him.
The end.

But it's never that easy.

So, he doesn't hit you. Yet, one day you wake up and your self worth and self respect is in the toilet because you refuse to demand better, and you think your expecations are too high. He says, "I can't make you feel anything. You choose your own feelings." He says, "You can't depend on me for your own happiness." You think your expectations are too high, and that he's right. Maybe one day he'll want to marry you. Afteral, you are only 25 and you have plenty of time. Then you realize you want to travel, but he says, "I've already been to all the places you want to go. You should travel on your own."

He's right.
So you change your wants.

You try to call him out on all the things that that are making you so unhappy, but you have to make sure that it's on a Saturday morning so that his brain can focus because if you bring it up when he doesn't want to talk about it he'll just ignore you. Then you discover, it's your fault you feel so horrible. The next thing you know you're looking at a post-it with two suggestions on how to improve your issues.

Then you look around and see all the successful thriving relationships and you think wait what? He calls you everyday? You mean, he doesn't need personal time every weekend? All of a sudden you're struck with envy and this desperate desire to love and be loved in return, but you can't let go. You can't let go because he needs you, he has potential or because he's trying, but the truth is that your self-esteem is nowhere to be found, and everything is your own fault.

But what about that delicate balance?
What if you're wrong? What if he really is so great, but you're doomed by unrealistic expectations and you end up loosing the greatest love you have ever known because you failed to see the positive and only the negative.

But what if you're right?

Please take care. There is this unwritten social subtext that says be humble, but humility can not take place of self-love.

How I'm trying to demand what I deserve because I have to believe that there is someone out there that will not ask me to compromise myself, and help to bring out the best in me. It has to exists and if by chance it doesn't, then self-love is better than the absence of love.