Chapter 4 – New York, New York

The much-needed family visit was a success. Despite my misfit feelings I didn’t know I’d have to combat for as long as have and for as long as I currently foresee, I enjoyed spending time with my family. I never got to celebrate the soon-to-be arrival of Mr. Logan Joos, but with Ms. Lily Joos, I got to share in the joy of her almost birthday which is currently scheduled for March 12th.

Mom and I arrived in New York, New York on Monday, January 19, 2009. Eagerly anticipating my new apartment I had yet to see, we jumped into a cab and promptly gave him my street and the street crossing. It took at least three repeats for this cab driver to figure out where exactly we were going. This should have been my first clue.

My mom, four suitcases, a guitar, my cat and I arrived to my new apartment in Harlem at 10:30am and patiently waited for my roommate to arrive with my key. During the hour we waited, we managed to get into the “lobby” of my apartment complex which is about the space of two people standing in between two glass doors. Mind you – it’s snowing and we’re freezing. I noticed quickly that the bottom glass section of the door was completely shattered, so, I decided to check out the place. Well, at least see the front of my door.

I walked through the door and immediately suffocated by the smell of urine located – only God knows where, and I noticed the punched holes in the wall of the hall. My ears flooded with a screaming child, and a barking dog as I stared down at the concaved rock/marble/granite mismatched concaved stairs. Careful not to let any part of my clothing touch the now dirt filled walls, I walked to the third floor to see the door of what I would soon call home. My door is a metal door luckily enough to have a peep hole but slightly resembling the front of a single cell prison door. I half expected to see a police officer guarding the entrance. Feeling hopeless, I walked back towards my cat and my mom trying to shake the images of Basketball Diaries and my luxurious apartment in San Francisco.

Holding back tears and trying to safe face for my mom, my roommate arrived and handed me the keys to the apartment, and so began my journey in New York.

For the record, I am describing to you how I felt then and not how I feel now – 20 days later.

The apartment inside is so cosy and endearing. Yes, it is a hobbit hole. Yes, we call it the shire. Yes, we call my room “Fort Bev.” Yet, it is a home- my home - a home with all my stuff in it. I got to sleep in my bed, which I haven’t slept in for four months. It has a living room with two bookcases, a piano, a futon, a window. It has a little tiny kitchen with a half size stove that can only be opened when my bedroom door is closed. My room has my queen-sized bed lofted, but I can’t stand underneath it. The bed takes over the entire bedroom and one must “scoot” past the start of my bed frame that takes over 90% of my doorway to get to the closet and really the only spot in my entire room that one can stand up in. Seriously, I live in a closet with a bed in it. ☺ Despite my description, it’s really not that bad. I actually kinda love it. It’s small, cute, with a piano, a great roommate and my bed. It’s really just perfect for my first New York apartment.


The first week went by extremely quickly, I finally understood what “New York minute meant because a week went by and it felt like a day. My mind could not rest even at 4am in the morning because there was so much to focus on - to think about - to hope for.

It’s my time. This is going to take some time, but it is my time.

Chapter 3: The Road Trip

Day 1
The past 10 days have been filled with last minute details, packing, long drawn out goodbyes and tears. Lots and lots of tears.
However, the 4 day road trip started this morning at 9:20 am this morning after a fun filled evening with some dear friends, a sleepless night, and a tearful family "see you later."

I drove the first leg of the trip to Buttonwillow (took me to my junior high days). We stopped at Subway, which we discovered was owned by two guys named Nick and Rainy. Rainy? Really- was it rainy that day? I mean the poor kid. :) I walked into Subway, and I said, "May I please have an six inch Italian Spicy on the Italian Herb." She said, in this order, "What kind of bread? Would you like a six inch? The BLT of the Spicy?" I jumped over the counter and turned her hearing aid up.

We proceeded towards Flagstaff and witnessed a beautiful sunset leaving the brightest fullish moon to shine. The moon was so bright it cast shadows of trees, and we were left squinting debating whether or not we should purchase moonshades. We decided to stop in Needles for dinner, but we soon discovered - Needles = DARKSVILLE. Not a single light was shinning, and we were surrounded by houses and food business. Ok fine. We could see the light of a flickering tea light from the window of one of the houses, but even the street lights were out. Perhaps a blackout? Yet, the light of the 76 station remained shining. Nervous giggles filled our car as we U-turned away from the only living people in this desolate town on their two creepy bicycles that were moving towards us. We quickly got back on to the freeway singing, "bye bye bye darksville."

After sixty more min of driving we crossed the Arizona border and decide to stop at Wendy's in Kingsman. We were greeted by a very enthusastic employee who began explaining to us the bubble fight they were participating in the back, while randomly bursting into song and explaining to us how musical she is. I can't decide if my favorite part of the Wendy's experience was how she rellished in giving us free water, soda and sour cream or was it when she said, "I love living in small town because you know everyone. Do you guys live in Kinsman?" Tough call really. We left Wendy's only to be greeted with our first Squeaks scare.

She has been an angel the entire drive. I mean the entire drive. We get to the car and JS turns to me and says, "Have you seen Squeaks?" I reached around behind me and underneath my bed for she spent the first half of the trip underneath my seat. No Squeaks. She said, "I just saw a cat outside." I immediately leapt out of the car and saw this gray cat with a raccoon esk tail that looked exactly like this:

I yelled, "Sqeaks come here." This cat turns around and darts into the dropped off reviene next to the freeway. JS grabs Squeaks' food and we stand at the edge calling her - Squeaks! Squeaks! Squeaks! However, the freeway is so loud we can't even hear our own voices let alone expect Squeaks to hear us. Even the tapping of her food bowl will not bring her up this hill. JS turns to me and says, "are you sure she isn't in the car?" Sure enough. This cute sweet little cat is peering out the window looking at us saying, "what are you crazy kids doing?"

We continued on the I-40 and got to Flagstaff at 10:30pm. My angel cat continued to behave as she quietly sat in her carrier as we proceeded to sneak her into the hotel.

Day 2
We kept losing an hour as we continued our drive. So, we woke up at 7:00am, but it felt like 6:00am. We sat down and tried to enjoy our free continental breakfast. Yet, we shared our morning with a gentleman who has a 24 year old daughter who danced professionally for 20 years, but she no longer dances. She no longer dances. She no longer dances. I think he told us she no longer dances. 3 times. No, 12 times. It became a very awkward conversation, and we laughed while backing away - slowly.

We really wanted to get to New Orleans at a reasonable hour for dinner and to go out. So, we decided to push through and drive as far as we possibly could on this day. Then Day 3 would not be as grueling. So we drove through Arizona and New Mexico. We stopped at California Pizza kitchen in an outside mall in Albuquerque. We drove through the very boring scenery that is New Mexico and into Texas. Luckily, the billboards did not disappoint.
My favorites were in New Mexico - a huge billboard for Absence followed by - "wake up lucky." I wished they were next to each other. We had dinner in Texas at Applebees. This is what I learned: they cook everything soaked in butter. They smoke inside. It is stinky.

We got our second wind with our conversation down memory lane and we continued to drive to Witchita, Texas even after losing another hour. 12am we checked and sneaked Squeaks into our hotel. Texas loves Texas. I mean nobody loves Texas loves Texans.

Day 3
This morning was definitly the toughest. We struggled to wake up, and Squeaks wasn't even awake when the alarm clock went off. I knew it must have been early! Granted, it was 7:30 - but we were 2 hours ahead of what we were used to. Plus, we had been driving for the past two days! We should have known that today was going to be a tough day since it didn't start off the greatest. We wanted to grab breakfast and get in the car and go. We get there - no carry out. Ok, so we'll eat inside. Our choices were extremely limited, but we decided on cereal. Texas doesn't believe in low fat, so, I put whole milk into my cereal. JS goes to put milk in her cereal, but I had taken it all. Of course I gave her some, but there was no milk for tea and coffee. We thought we could hack it, but an hour into the drive the two of us start seeking out a Starbucks as we continue to incessantly yawn. We grabbed our coffee and proceeded to New Orleans. Yup, we were going to get there at 8pm.

Our directions started to become a little confusing as we drove through Texas. We were looking for 557 to get to 20, and we kept seeing signs for 20, but no 557. It just so happened that JS was talking to her mom at the time, so, we asked her to get us to the 20 because we think we veered off. We got to the 20 and continued on. We crossed the line into Louisiana and the landscape instantly changed. Actually, we noticed that about every state line. Every time we crossed one the terrain instantly changed. Louisiana had some gorgeous lush small hills especially compared to the vast planes of Texas and New Mexico.

Now, we were looking for Interstate 10. We saw LA 10 and decided that it MUST be the same thing. We continue down this LA 10, and it really should have caught us a little more off gaurd than it obviously did because we no longer were traveling with trucks. It was a two lane two way road surrounded by houses and people bike riding and essentially living their normals lives in LA. So, we dead-ended into the Mississippi River. No, really. It looked like this:
Notice how it was dusk? That's right. The sun is setting. We have no maps. We can't get my mom on the phone. We can't get the Whipples on the phone. We are lost in the heart of the country in Louisiana. My sister, JJ, got us through the country back to the 190 to the 10. We're both holding our breath as we stressfully pray we are going in the right direction. Please oh please may we not be lost here in the dark without a single public place in sight. Luckily, JJ got us back on the freeway back on track with no time lost. Guess we got lost in the right direction. We got to New Orleans right on time at 8pm.

However, NO is like San Francisco. I really should have gotten us a place to stay ahead of time because it was very difficult to just find parking and find a place. We were in a city and combatting one way streets. Luckily, JS' mom was there to save us. (again) We ended up finding a place through hotels.com, and they assured us that the $56 a night was a steal compared to the normal $120. So, I booked a spot immediately. We pulled up to the hotel only to discover that we must use vallet parking. Sure! Except - we have a cat that I am almost 99% sure is not allowed in this hotel. Again, I'm so lucky to have such an amazing kitty!!! We snuck her in, and no one was the wiser. After about 10 minutes of frustrating phone conversations and checking in arguing, we hit the town of New Orleans. We ended up on the famous Bourbon street, and we were greeted with the very thoughtful and generous cat calling, but the smoking inside still remained a joy kill. Plus we were bombarded with men from the army trying to talk to us about their wives and four children they left at home while showing us pictures of themselves taking shots from a woman's crotch. Those weren't even the worst ones because the other ones probably would have offended us we were told.

Disappointed with the scene, we were still grateful to be walking around, and not sitting in a car. We headed back to the hotel and leisurely woke up the next morning after putting our smoke filled cloths in quarantine. My hair still smells of smoke. The smoking inside made us smell more like smoke than smokers in California.

Day 4
We checked out and hit the road to Tampa at about 10am full knowing we had a 10 hour day ahead of us, and we were about to lose another hour. We weren't discouraged. We took pictures of the french quarters in the day time, and hit Interstate 10 in no time. We passed through Mississippi, Alabama and got to Florida by 2pm. It was so thrilling to drive through all those states in such a short amount of time, and the sites were breath taking. Mississippi had fantastic trees, Alabama had the confederate flag and Florida just had beautiful beaches through the pan handle. Frankly, I was surprised to see the offensive flag only in Alabama. I thought I would see it throughout Louisiana and Mississippi too.

We decided to stop for lunch at Subway since we really were trying to avoid eating so much fried food, and we found one - in a gas station. So there we are eating our subway sandwiches in a gas station. Comical really. We stopped for dinner around 8pm at Sonny's BBQ. After my mother gave us a little 20 minute detour, we ended up at my parents house in Tampa safe and sound. All is well.

Today I said my last CA goodbye as JS stepped on the plane after spending a week traveling with me across the USA. This heart-wrenching goodbye left me with the feeling of "the calm before the storm" for I feel like I've been on vacation galavanting across the United States and visiting my parents in Florida. Soon I will be in a snowing state with no job, no shows and two friends. Oh, and I'll have a cat. I love her. I have more things to say about my fears and worries about New York and how awesome it has been with my family. However, I will save that for another long post!

I have so many more photos. I'll post them on my photobucket... just give me a few days. There are some posted on facebook already - I'm happy to show you just let me know if you want to see them.

Sunday Part 2

It’s the second to last Sunday here in Mountain View!! In 13 days I will be somewhere in Arizona.

I’m sitting here in front of the television wearing my wool cashmere sweater and a purple scarf wrapped around my neck watching the movie/show that inspired it all! The four girls that I watched many hours over while debating whether or not I should move to NYC. The four girls that gave me the courage to pack up my bags in San Francisco and move! When I decided finally to move to New York, I watched many hours of this show to remind myself that I will have a blast despite the wretched turmoil that these four girls went through with love, men and work! Granted, they had each other, and my close network of friends will be strewn across California. It’s ok – that is what the Internet is for, and the telephone does wonders. Who knows what is in store for me, but I am starting to get extremely excited about the move. I am still terrified, but the excitement is taking over.

I spent this weekend looking for a winter coat! I went to Macy’s, Bloomingdales, Nordstrom and Burlington Coat Factory. Each store was covered with winter coats on sale. Macy’s even had a whole floor just for coats! I thought for sure that I would find at least ONE coat that was my size! Alas, I was incorrect. I did not find a coat in my size and I went to the stores at Valley Fair and the stores in San Francisco! I am a 4! A 4!!!!!! Is that really difficult to find? Yes. It is. There were only three 6’s in the entire store, and believe me I searched those stores like I was in ROSS! I suppose that I don’t have any choices left except to just wait until I get to New York. So, I finally buckled down and bought this down jacket that isn’t exactly CUTE, but at least I will be warm. I will be warm, and when I can get there I can look for a cute warm wool coat!

Ok Getting Closer.

It’s true. I have not updated in a long time, but do you want to know how long and drawn out and how sad things have been as I struggle through the transition of this move?

My last post is still true, but this time I’m watching my life wind down quickly and quietly here in the Bay Area.

Do I Hear A Waltz closed this past Saturday, and my heart grew heavy with goodbyes because it marked the start of all my goodbyes. My friends are trying to squeeze time in for me with the holidays, and each time we see each other there is this tinge of – will this be the last time? I am aware that this move doesn’t have to be forever, but it doesn’t make it any easier. I keep reminding myself that even if I stayed things would be different. I’m looking at the people around me and seeing how their lives are moving forward, growing, changing and it would still be happening even if I was staying here. It is hard to leave comfort for the unknown, and I am finding the courage within myself that I didn’t even know I had. I keep saying over and over and over – if it doesn’t work out, just come home.

Even with that said, I’m feeling like a misfit. I still don’t really have a place. This bouncing around and lack of nesting is making me feel a little “I don’t belong.” I have faith that soon enough everything will fall into place, but the months of dragging on and leading up to this move has been painful. While I’d like to say that I wouldn’t do it again, so many great great great things happened in these past few months that never would have happened if I had left. For that I am grateful, and I am so glad that I stayed despite the fact I feel like I’m dragging my heels.

The Christmas show I worked on simultaneously with Waltz presented a very touching moment in my career. It was great to work with the kids, but also great to work with an amazing director and other amazing acting adults who shared their wisdom in living and experiencing NYC. I also got some great contacts that I will follow up on.

I put in my last invoice yesterday, and a coworker of mine gave me the 2nd Lil’ Wayne cd. It was very touching because I think we’ve had one conversation about how I like Lil’ Wayne, but maybe the fact that I do is so jarring to someone it is hard to forget! The last few days here at work have been great. We’re wrapping up the web project, well, phase 1 at least. So, now I’ve been asked to sing in a video for the company, and it’s been a lot of fun. I’m getting paid to sing!

I’m still trying to figure out what type of job I need to get in New York, but that is going to take some time to figure out. I think I need to spend more time with the people and with the scene.

Ok. That’s it for now.
Merry Christmas.

Almost 2009

Aw, I haven’t updated in a while, but I needed a break from my crazy.

Ok. Fine. I have a small chance from escaping all my crazy, but I needed a break from my larger crazy that consumes my heart, my soul and my spirit. It has truly been a long time since I have felt so stoic, cold, empathetic and just a walking contradiction. At times I’m filled with an outpour of emotion, and other times – I’m emotionally numb. Believe you me - these are not my darkest days. I’m working through it and I am not alone. My spirit is filled with hope despite the whisperings of fear, despair and aloneness. I know that I am not alone, and that this is just part of my path. I have found peace in knowing that this is just part of my plan.

The show is wonderful. I have loved every single moment that I have had spending time with the cast, the music and Jennifer. She brings lightness to me that I have been craving, and I love it. I get a chance to wallow in her stupidity, ignorance, vein spirit and tragic soul! I love it. Love it love it love it! Three more weeks of that show, and then it’s over. I have been dreading that a little bit.

I’m also working on the Christmas show. It’s great. It’s wonderful. We’re going up next week, and I still have some memorizing to do, but I will be ok. I’m not too worried about it. Tonight we get to meet the kids, and I’m looking forward to it!

I cannot believe that today is December 2nd. What a year, and the start of 2009 will be fantastic!! Just 39 more days until I leave!!

48 More Days.

The last few days really have given me the opportunity to reflect on what my life is going to be like in NYC. Since my show is open, and the Christmas show is right around the corner, plus - my friends are all moving forward and making their January 2009 plans.

My plans are stagnant.

Plain and simple: I have no plans right now except move to New York - in the dead of winter. I repeated over to myself a million times on Saturday night: it's going to be fine. I'm going to be fine. Everything is going to be fine.

I think I almost convinced myself.

Right now I feel sheer terror, and watching the days on the calendar dwindle closer and closer towards January 10th. It's a day that I have longed for since August when I made the decision to go, but now that it approaches so quickly, I'm freaking out! My life is here in California with perfect weather.

I need guidance.
I'm confused.

I promise not to post false things about my experience. I won't sugar coat , and I will dive in whole heartily with hope and determination. I will forgo my pride if things do not work out. If I find that I am happier here then I am there, I will come home. At the very very least I tried, and many of you who know me, know I will not not easily give up.

Do Not Be Crazy

I learned a very important lesson this week: don’t be crazy.

It seems simple to some, but a lesson that I keep learning repeatedly to my misfortune.

My sometimes-obsessive nature is causing me to dig, discover and read things that are detrimental to my self-esteem. Granted, nothing should really cause such a significant impact on my self worth, and believe me, I’m working on it, but I did not realize I would be so affected until it was too late.

I’m really concerned about my reaction on more than one level. First and foremost, my poor self-confidence! WHAT HAPPENED TO ME?! I even started rereading some of my old journals and old life documentation on this blog and myself dismayed me. I could not believe some of the predicaments I have put myself through and accepted as natural and normal. Tis a shame, but I can assure you – I’m well aware of the issue, and I am working on it.

I started running and working out again! I have a new gym through my company, and they offer PT program that I am going to take advantage of while I am here. Yesterday I ran in the dark which was NOT a good idea. Running in San Francisco versus suburbia life is MUCH different. First of all, San Francisco is bright. Light is everywhere in San Francisco, but not in Los Altos. I could hardly see in front of me, and I felt nervous to be on the street at 7pm. Thus, my run did not last very long, but I did wake up and feel much better.

Being in this state of transition is not helping either. Listening to all my friends audition for tons of shows around here and nurturing my new and old strong friendships is causing severe pull on the heartstrings as I near the date to leave for New York.

I’m just taking a deep breath in and accepting that “this stuff” is out of my hands. I’m doing my very best in working towards being the person I want to and am meant to be, and everything will fall into the right place. I have already seen it start to happen. Stressing about things that are out of my control is just another detrimental testimony to my crazy. Again, I’m aware, and I’m making the conscious choices to fight against that instinct, but it’s difficult.

I’m surrounded by love and I’m focusing on all that right now.

The Differences

Transitioning from city life to suburbia life has been a rather difficult task. I didn’t quite understand the magnititude effect that San Francisco had on my perception of life. I first assumed that the adjustment would be easy since I lived in Mtn. View most of my life and then went to Sonoma State, and then I lived in San Francisco. By my behavior the last few weeks, you would swear I have never lived anywhere but San Francisco.

1) Lack of Driving Ablity
First of all, my driving skills have gone out the window. Going over 55 mph on the freeway seems ABSOLUTELY ABSURD to me, and I would much rather twist and turn down these obscure streets then continually travel down this bleak highway that never ends. Everyday feels like I’m driving to LA.

2) Sleeping with Crickets or without Crickets.
Going to sleep in utter silence was deafening, and for the first few nights I could not fall asleep sleep. No sirens? No over aggressive motorcyclists trying to prove their manhood? No loud drunkards calling for a taxi cab? Where am I?

3) Parking lots…
…are a nightmare. A complete utter nightmare and really San Francisco is better off with out them. It takes just as long to find parking in a lot then on the streets of SF, and I do not want to hear anymore wining about the one way streets in the city because you guys have the one way stupid parking lots that nobody pays attention to anyway.

4) Fast Food…
…is FAR easier to access. I forgot all about Taco Bell, McDonalds, Burger King and the rest of the usual suspects. Oh Krispey Kreme is close by and SO IS IN-N-OUT, and it only smells of very very good bad for you food instead of a room jam packed with tourists and the homeless.

5) Nothing is close by
In San Francisco there are a million different ways to get to ONE location. Tell me what street your on and what the cross street and I from anywhere in the city I will figure out how to get there. In addition, it’s a big giant circle. If I make a wrong turn, I’ll just go down the next street and cut over. The one way streets aren’t forgettable, and the free way is ALWAYS only a few miles away from ANYWHERE in the city.

This is not true in suburbia, and it’s very painful. You can not just wing it. You have to know exactly where you’re going and do not be alamared by driving through houses and school districts to get to a car auto place. Things here are not nicely sectioned off.

6) The driving is much more unbearable, and chores take you twice as long.
In San Francisco you need to go grocery shopping, go the bank and the post office. Sure, no problem. Just go to the safeway that has the bank and post office INSIDE – or go to SOMA where all three places are on the same block. No problem 30 minutes tops.
Not here.
You have to DRIVE EVERYWHERE. I mean everywhere. Fight the parking lots, do the errand, and drive to the next place. Rinse. Repeat. An excursian that would take 30 minutes in San Francisco takes 70 minutes here with all the distance, driving and parking efforts.

7) Directions.
People here give the oddest directions, and I can not remember a time where I was just as guilty of such a crime. Please don’t write out all the different landmarks I’m going to see in paragraph form. I can not drive and read at the same time. It’s a skill I would like to develop, but alas, I am still in the beginning stages.

What do you mean you don’t know the street names?

“Go a little ways and turn right on where you see the big tree.”

“Ok. What’s the street name?”

“Um, actually, I don’ t know.”

People – are you kidding me?

The Count Down to NYC begins.

The laundry list of events is piling up including: how I shaved off a layer of my skin on accident, the go carting experience on Saturday, Squeaks running into herself in the mirror, the hour before rehearsal last night at the pizza shop, the differences between suburbia and the city, but I think for some the anticipated results of the audition for Into the Woods is more of a pressing issue to divulge.

The audition itself went incredibly well. The usual self sabotage did take place, but I persevered and sang my very best. My reaction to the callback list happened to be the least anticipated; I felt relieved and overjoyed.

I have overcome so many obstacles my last three years in the bay area and to see that I was one of five people called back for Cinderella’s step sisters in a house with equity contracts with over 100 bay area actors auditioning felt like a paycheck. After all the hard work, I’m finally starting to go somewhere. All that said, I passed on the callback and decided to proceed with the move to New York.

So, it looks like I now have an official date of January 12th 2009.

My roommate and I put in an application for an apartment in Washington Heights, and we are eagerly awaiting the results. If that does not pan out, we have begun to aggressively search for places around the cheaper areas of Manhattan.

I’m filled with grief leaving the only area I have ever known and deeply love. The terrifying fear of failure is daunting, and I’m haunted by the fact I will be alone in a cut-throat city.

I will miss my support system of friends out here, and I hope to spend time with everyone before I leave because I will need you when I’m out there more than any other time I have ever needed you.

The end of Chapter 2

October 1, 2008 marks the beginning of my transition period. It’s been hard for me to connect and feel close because I have been so… just disconnected.

This weekend was extremely hard.

The alarm clock went off at 6:00am on Saturday morning, but I had already been anxiously tossing and turning since 5:30am waiting for the sound of that awful alarm. I jumped out of bed, and began packing my car with the small boxes. My dear friend J made us breakfast, and my sister with Boyfriend arrived and finished packing up my beautiful house.

I went back to clean on Saturday and Sunday, and mopped the floor with tears and soap water.

I knew that moving was going to be hard, but I didn’t realize that it would be this hard. I loved my San Francisco apartment with my great friends in the building. It felt like I had roommates, but my own room. It felt like a home – my home - now it’s all packed up in my sister’s garage, and I’m living out of a suitcase.

It’s a strikingly empty feeling. I’m feeling completely alone, even though, I’m not. In this heavy transition, I find my only comfort is rehearsal.

Goodnight San Francisco, I will miss you deeply.

I'm Alive

but barely breathing. I have about 15 minutes before I have to get on the road to go to my AWESOME new job! It's really the best job ever. I drove home bawling because it is a lot harder to leave an awesome job, amazing friend and adorable cute little apartment. It breaks breaks breaks my heart, but I'm still moving!

The house is disgusting! How is it that one person can have SO MUCH STUFF. It's incrediable how much stuff I have, and believe me, I have been ruthless about what to keep and what to get toss. I'm pretty sure that I have chucked the majority of my stuff, but I'm still left with so much crap.

Ok, so it's mostly cloths shoes kitchen and books, but I AM NOT GETTING RID OF ANY IT.
I love my shoes, and I did part with a lot of them, but I held on to a lot of shoes. Packing is hard, and it's a pain.

I don't have a lot of time. Saturday my sister is coming up to load up and load into storage. Then I have to come back into the city finish cleaning take the last load and the cat. Then go to a show Saturday night, and attend an important family bbq sunday afternoon, THEN go to my first Waltz rehearsal. Um, when am I going to do the walkthrough? Do you think my landlord will make me pay for a week if we do it NEXT weekend? Do I have to be in the walkthrough? All these questions. questions. questions.

So the next couple of days just seem like a lot of driving, a lot of miserableness, and lack of sleep. I hope that my age hasn't caught up with me, and that I can still manage to produce in tough stressful times.