Friday, August 31, 2007

Labor Day

I’ve finally gotten through the post-show depression, and I have let go of my jaded angry energy. Thus, I am now embracing all things I love in my life right now! All my ducks are seemingly in a row. I have a great apartment in SF, I have great friends, a loving a boyfriend, a great job, and I’m getting into shows. Hopefully, as mother duck, one little tiny splash in the water will not disseminate my little ducklings!

Oh how I’m so looking forward to this weekend! It is Labor Day weekend! It was foolish of me to not take a vacation in between my jobs, and it was even more foolish of me to assume that the day off for my birthday in July would compensate. Ha! Although my weekend is still only three days, Pasha and I are going to go to Tahoe for a wedding. I am extremely excited about this for many reasons. 1) I’m getting a break from theatre. 2) I’m taking a break from work 3) I’m getting out of San Francisco, and most importantly, 4) I’m getting out of San Francisco WITH Pasha. We have been together for almost two years, and we have not spent more than 7 hours outside of San Francisco together. I really wanted to document this milestone in our relationship, but of COURSE, I left my camera at home. DRATS! I’ll just have to illustrate my trip with words.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Horrible horrible horrible...whatever

It really is truly amazing how fast your sarcastic whit can dry up when you are feeling irate. Its also amazing how quickly fantastic one-in-a-million blog ideas flee your brain before you can even finish thinking about actualizing the idea. I’m also surprised how fast you can feel like you’re on top of the world to feeling like this world is the worst. Really Beverley, events should not have this much control over your moods. Its true. Change is good right? I mean if it isn’t…then you’ll just change it so it is good… so then, what’s the problem? Ah. I’m so glad I talked to myself for a second. I feel much better.

Now, since I am at a point in my life that I like to call the “growing” years, there is one aspect about myself that I want…no, I need….no, that I MUST change…..seriously, this dropping business…it’s getting really old. I have this horrible, gosh, I don’t even know what to call it, horrible habit? Horrible genetic disorder that won’t allow me to fully close my hand around an object? Horrible hole in my lip? I have no idea…it’s just this THING I have. I drop everything.

When I moved into my best friends/sister house in high school, her family teased me all the time about it. I was called “the dropper.” I would open the fridge grab something, drop it on the floor, pick it up and then close the fridge. It was really a routine for me. I think I started bending down to pick, whatever it was at the time, before I even dropped it. At dinner, the dog used to lay at my feet because at least 25% of my meal was on my cloths, and then another 25% of my meal was on the floor. So, when I got up from the table, the dog made out like a bandit. Back then it was comical and some might consider it cute. These days, not so much.

I walk to work sometimes, and I like to stop at the best coffee shop in San Francisco and grab a cup to go. However, I have not yet made it one day with out spilling the damn coffee on my work cloths. So instead, I just go to work and drink the disgusting cup of coffee that they make at work that gives me the shakes because I think I can handle drinking coffee out of a cup. I do that everyday. NOT TODAY. So, now that I have three beautiful coffee stains all over my pants and then one on my shirt, I decide to go into the bathroom and take a little cold water and try to wash it out. Well, this was not one of my brightest of ideas because now I am sitting here at my desk looking like I peed in my pants and all down the side of my left leg, and the office must think that I’m practicing for a wet t-shirt contest cause the whole bottom part of my shirt is soaked. PLUS I can’t even tell if I got the damn stain to- be -out! I hope that I don’t have to print anything out or go check the fax machine because I don’t think I can handle the embarrassment. I seriously can not afford to have this horrible whatever anymore. I can not keep buying new cloths because I have stains all over them, and I can’t afford the embarrassment of washing them out on the spot.

Ok…new years resolution for 2008: no more dropping things. Hold them. I just gave myself a year and a half to get rid of this horrible…whatever it is. I’ll keep you posted.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

My First Lesson

I have put in application to be a part time theatre teacher on the weekends. I think I need to practice my teaching skills…so.. here we go….

Good morning class. Today we are going to start with a little trivia!

Who knows what is worse than having everything in your life being aggravating, stressful and miserable?

Anyone? …… Susie?…

Fine. I’ll tell you. This is worse: knowing exactly what the problem is, knowing EXACTLY what to do to change it, and STILL refusing to do nothing about it.

I’m still so angry that my next lesson will be a cooking lesson using the heat exuding from my head at this moment.

Monday, August 27, 2007


Myspace says, " Sorry! an unexpected error has occurred.

This error has been forwarded to MySpace's technical group."

me(to Gianni): "my myspace isn't working."
me: "Yes, but I'll live. hopefully"
Gianni: "hopefully u won't die of myspace
that would be tragic
tom might come to your funeral
and hopefully your top 8"


In my own little corner....

(please sing these lyrics to the tune of "In my Own little Corner from Cinderella")

In my own little cube

I can be how ever I want to be
I can sit here and foster all the anger that I feel
And there’s no one that can do anything for me…

I’m so angry that I’m sitting here not lurking…
I am sad that I can’t see my family.
I am seething that my myspace is not working
And I’m sad I won’t see this cast daily!

I am trapped by this office and my creativeness is gone
And I’m stuck typing all these silly words
Just as long as I stay in my own little corner
All alone in my own little cube…

Friday, August 24, 2007

On dating....

I have this wonderful gift or curse, depends on you look at it, with getting into arguments with myself. I share my thoughts with my friends who try to relate, and then I argue. It's really a vicious circle, but at least I can laugh at it. Recently the subject for immediate ponder and cause for perplexity is dating.

I've been a serial dater my young adult life. Just one relationship into the next with maybe a 4 month break in between here or there, and usually these relationships span about one – three years in length. Some relationships have been with REAL losers, and I've known it. Yet, I stayed. Mental, I know. I'm older and wiser now, and with knowledge and age, comes the land of lifetime commitment. I am not sure quite how it happened, but one day I woke up; the two year mark of my relationship is creeping up, and everyone is asking me about wedding bells.

I do not hear any wedding bells. Are they silent?

Pash and I have been seeing each other for almost two years, and I am quite happy. However, I am starting to become extremely pensive about this whole marriage thing. Am I supposed to KNOW already if I want to get married to him? I guess the answer is: I don't know if I want to get married to him. This concerns me because I am not apposed to the idea of getting married. I even would go as far as to say that some day I do want to get married. So, I've always thought that I will know. I guess I just assumed that I would know right away. However, I am so focused on my near future; I haven't even given a thought to the BIG future. Is that bad?

Don't get me wrong, I know that it sounds like I'm saying " I don't see myself with Pasha forever." BUT, I don't see myself without him either. I basically don't see my long term future. I would be DEVASTATED if Pasha and I broke up, but I would be DEVASTATED if he asked me to marry him. What does this mean?

Speaking of asking, I have another question…. Is it true that people purpose only when they know that the answer is going to be yes? I mean asking someone to spend the rest of their life with you is A LOT different than hey, can I have your number? But if you already know that the answer is going to be yes, what is the point in asking? I mean, right?

Ok, I am contemplating relationships and dating when I should be focused on the fact that I am singing in Cinderella tonight, and I have done nothing in the beauty department to get ready for the role. My eyebrows are out of control. People are going to be confused about which musical they are seeing… is she singing Cinderella or Beast?

This Weekend.

I think I have an addictive personality that battles with the ADD side of me. Each month I have a new “project” that I am going to do. I am GOING to follow through with it, and continue to do it. Then the next month….it’s something else. Ha. Last month it was reading. In one month I read, Time Travelers Wife, The Namesake, Kite Runner, Water for Elephants, Kane and Able and Harry Potter and The Deathly Hollows. That is a lot of reading for one month. Then Cinderella took over my life. Now I’m back to another “project,” which is blogging. I am going to blog in order to develop my writing skills, keep people in the know of ins and outs and because it is fun. However, do not be surprised when these entries are few and far between.

It’s the age old new years resolution conflict. I’m going to read more, work out more, loose weight, get a new job and move. All of the millions of things you say you’re going to do or really want to do, but never do. That’s my life.

I decided that I wanted to run more and work out more. So I joined a gym, got a personal trainer, bought all new work out cloths and running shoes, and then worked out for two weeks.

I decided that I wanted to play the guitar. I bought all of the books, took a couple of lessons, I learned all of the open chords and I even wrote a couple of songs. That is still the extent of my knowledge, and I took up this “project,” in 2001.

I have decided that I want to blog more… we’ll see how long that lasts. 

Oh I’m not all bark and no bite, but this little “project” list that keeps getting longer and longer makes me laugh.

It is 9:33am on Friday morning, and already I have had an eventful morning. I think this is a precursor to the weekend I am about to have. My little sister and her boyfriend are flying in from Florida tonight at 11:40pm, and taking a shuttle to my place to wait for me. This is exciting. My Dad is flying in tomorrow morning, and then my other little sister is coming on Saturday night. This is going to be eventful.

I woke up this morning and realized that I do not have enough towels. So, I had to do an emergency trip to the laundry machine this morning to wash the two towels that are hanging behind my door. Those towels are currently in the dryer right now, and I am sitting here at work. I hope that no one steals those towels (my laundry has actually been stolen before. My Hanson shirt was in there; I was very distraught) because I will not have time to buy new towels, and I am not exactly interested in sharing.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

My year summation

I guess I feel like "blogging" is kind of like that infamous Christmas letter. You know, the one where you send out the "update" of all the things that have been going on in the family's life, coincidently, its all the GOOD and ACCOMPLISHED things going on in the family's life. Nevertheless, people seem to complain about how they got another "update." I've even heard radio shows talk about "why do people send out those damn Christmas letters?" Well, I happen to ENJOY the Christmas letter because I am nosey. I want to know what is going on in everyone's life for one reason or another. I want to know how people have managed to get to their successful accomplishments, or I want to know what to avoid. In addition, I do not MAKE people come and read this blog. I suppose you can either take it or leave it unlike the Christmas letter.

So in the year that I have not blogged here is a quick summation of the important events that have happened in my life. I FINALLY, after a long two year battle, moved. I am still currently living in San Francisco in my own studio apartment, which I LOVE. I sadly found a new home for my cat, Fred. I left Cushman & Wakefield for a new thrilling administration job in Digital Media. At least it is in a field of interest for me, and I like it much better than real-estate.

Most importantly, I found a new incredible voice teacher that I am sososoosos happy to be singing with. After a year hiatus, I am back in the performing field, and I am slowly but surly moving my way up. Along the way, I have met some incredibly wonderful, thoughtful and talented people. I have been working in different companies and having vastly different experiences. I'm feeling energized to be performing, thus, making the 8-5 monotonous life-style work is extremely hard at times. However, I do not yearn for the bohemian lifestyle. I'm just confused. I suppose for now, I just want to sing and fake dance until I "figure" it out. What matters to me most now is that I have found a teacher that I love to sing with, and that I have started to develop a dynamic that is working for me. I'm being cast...even if it is chorus…it's better than what was happening before, which was nothing. I even got cast as an understudy, and I got to go on for the run of the show. Hopefully, it'll be a snowball effect.

Cinderella is closing this weekend. I am sad. I am going to miss all of the really awesome people that I have met. The cast has been so supportive, and so fun! Hopefully, we'll get to work together again soon! On the upside, my dad and two sisters are coming out. I am very excited about that. Jackie hasn't come out to California since February 2 years ago. Nora came out for my college graduation, and I am just excited to have them stay in my own place. I miss them very much.