Thursday, September 25, 2008

I'm Alive

but barely breathing. I have about 15 minutes before I have to get on the road to go to my AWESOME new job! It's really the best job ever. I drove home bawling because it is a lot harder to leave an awesome job, amazing friend and adorable cute little apartment. It breaks breaks breaks my heart, but I'm still moving!

The house is disgusting! How is it that one person can have SO MUCH STUFF. It's incrediable how much stuff I have, and believe me, I have been ruthless about what to keep and what to get toss. I'm pretty sure that I have chucked the majority of my stuff, but I'm still left with so much crap.

Ok, so it's mostly cloths shoes kitchen and books, but I AM NOT GETTING RID OF ANY IT.
I love my shoes, and I did part with a lot of them, but I held on to a lot of shoes. Packing is hard, and it's a pain.

I don't have a lot of time. Saturday my sister is coming up to load up and load into storage. Then I have to come back into the city finish cleaning take the last load and the cat. Then go to a show Saturday night, and attend an important family bbq sunday afternoon, THEN go to my first Waltz rehearsal. Um, when am I going to do the walkthrough? Do you think my landlord will make me pay for a week if we do it NEXT weekend? Do I have to be in the walkthrough? All these questions. questions. questions.

So the next couple of days just seem like a lot of driving, a lot of miserableness, and lack of sleep. I hope that my age hasn't caught up with me, and that I can still manage to produce in tough stressful times.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Chapter 2: Pre Movin

Today marks the first day at the new job location. I suppose that as I grow comfortable with becoming an independent contractor, the idea of starting a new onsite job won't be as terrifying. Yet, Im nervous.

Wish me luck!

Friday, September 19, 2008

Let's Have Dinner Tomorrow

On Thursday, I said, "I got a job! Let's celebrate and drink a bottle of wine tomorrow."

Response: "Great! I'll call you tomorrow."

Thanks to, I discovered the actual definition of tomorrow is: the day after today. I thought I better second check myself because when you didn't call for the ENTIRE day of Friday, I started to worry that, perhaps, I don't know what tomorrow means. Perhaps, we were speaking a different language and you didn't understand what tomorrow actually entails. I started to wonder, if perhaps, in some cultures tomorrow actually is within a 48 hour period and not 24 hours because in that case, you would be ok, and the fact I seriously stared at my computer screen for 16 hours waiting for your effing phone call would be on me. Please don't think that I was not an active participant in trying to get a hold of you. I called you every fifteen minutes since 5pm on Friday afternoon. Each time I called I thought, "someone is dying right now from a drunk driving accident."

I took a break from computer and wall staring to go to sleep, and OH THEN YOU 1am. Technically speaking, that is not tomorrow. 1am on Saturday morning is not the day after today considering we spoke on Thursday.

Something that actually gets me is the fact I instantly felt anger about your no show. I didn't worry that you weren't safe, that maybe you had a car accident, or maybe you were in the hospital. Oh no, I KNEW instantly that you were either sitting at home screening my phone calls or out with other friends. Nevermind, knowing this is my last weekend in San Francisco, and I turned away my other friends who wanted to hang out because I wanted to hang out with you.

The other thing that really gets me. Actually, it eats me alive like a effing parasite in my heart, it's that I put up with it. I have taught you that it's ok to treat me like this. It's ok that you are not doing what you said you were going to do. It's ok that you say you're going to call and then you don't. Don't get me wrong, you're an idiot, but the truth is: I'm the bigger one.

Back to the Salt Mines

Positive things happening in this wonderful time of unemployment:

I went to a job interview landed a contracting gig until December 31st, and I am extremely happy! Extremely. Only con is that it's in the east bay which is close to my rehearsal, all great, except working in my voice lesson located in San Francisco. That is a little tricky, but it's ok. We can get the ball rolling. I'm happy to be moving forward with plans to move to New York, but I'm dealing with the headache of income tax and being an independent contractor. Luckily, I've got my awesome awesome family to support and help me. Thank you really truly a million!

I also land a job and then head to wine country. I'm happy to be getting to all the places that I love and should spend some serious time because I'm moving.

Anyway, I'm also getting to see some really great musical theatre in the bay area! Yesterday, I saw the preview for Broadway by the Bay's rendition of Into the Woods, and their run started off with a bang! I've been reluctant to talk about/review shows that I have recently seen because it is artistic creativity that everyone seems to have different opinions about. I realize that what I am about to tell you is my sole opinion, and that's it: nothing more and nothing less.

The absolute highlight was the witch. She has an amazing amazing voice which I have remembered since I heard her at callbacks for everything I was called back for this summer. She is truly an exceptional talent with an incredible belt and soprano that she easily shifted styles with gracefulness and elegance. Cinderella was cute and bubbely, and nailed those difficult Sondheim pieces that give the misconception of being easy. The music is by no means easy! Very talented cast. It was great to see an old teacher and director perform in a role that was obviously written for him. Marc Jacobs did an excellent job as the narrator.

The sets were beautiful. The bean stalk is a tricky tricky set piece, and it was the only moment that I thought -ek, that looks a little just not right, but what else could they do? It's tricky, but it looked a little odd compared to the set pieces that were amazing.

Of course there were a few technical errors that are to be expected in every performance especially at a preview. There were a few moments that actors were not in the light or they were not lit. You could only see shadows on their faces. The mics weren't on when the actor had already started talking. The mic for the wolf/prince was scratchy and ruined a few great moments in the wolf song... sadly.

Broadway by the Bay produces an excellent calibar of shows for theatre lovers in the bay area. I highly recommend this production. It's great.

I also got a chance to see the Tony Award winning production of Spring Awakening, which was amazing in it's own ways with lots of amazing amazing music. Plus, I got to see ACLO's Grease that is showcasing a lot my friend's incredible talents and gifts. On the whole, the past two weeks have been stressful, whirl-windy and good.

I'm eager to enjoy the last weekend of freedom, and then get back to work on Tuesday.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Searching for Comfortable in the Uncomfortable

I'm really surprised with how lazy I have become during unemployment. My concept of "time" is all off. I find myself saying things, "I'll put my laundry away later because I have tons of time. Then three days later my laundry is sitting in the basket and it keeps getting transfered from bed to basket to bed to basket, and each time I say to myself - it's ok I have tons of time!

It amazes me how productive I am when every moment of my day has an accountable task and the moment that I don't have anything to do the amount of stress piles up on my wee brain, and I start to buckle and beg for the internet to save me.

I need to get used to this lifestyle. This is the lifestyle that New York will bring me. Is it really difficult to find a lucrative, challenging, mind engaging and flexible job that will allow me to sing on broadway? Yes, yes it is. I have not given up. I will continue to work. I will continue to pursue contracting positions. I will continue to work hard and do what it takes to eat. to save money. to get to New York. I will do what ever it takes, but I have to remind myself that it takes time. I'm all about this instant gratification, and it takes time.

It's difficult to balance the different opportunities that comes across my desk because I am all about instant gratification, and so if a job comes up for 12.50 an hour for the next 5 months - I am inclined to take it, but NO. Take the time to find something that works. See - this is stressful. I can hardly even write about it anymore.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Week 2 Day 2

I thought that today was going to be lucky because I thought had a temp job lined up, but alas, I did not. I have been spending most my of my days designing and developing my acting portfolio, which yes hopefully there will some media there. If I find the time in my "busy" schedule to actually record.

It's amazing to me really truly how quickly it is to fill time. Searching for a temporary position is a full time job, and my no means do I mess around. I wake up at 7am drink a cup of coffee and apply to jobs until at least 11:00am. Then things start to slow down. I can work on my portofolio, or work on some of the freelancing gigs that have come up. Then all of a sudden it's 2pm, and I start to feel a little bored, and so I put some laundry away or try and cancel tivo, and then it's 4:30pm. Yesterday at 4:30pm I went to a voice lesson and now today I am here with you - hoping that I won't be doing the same thing tomorrow, but full well knowing that it's exactly what I'm going to be doing.

It's ok because I am not wasting my time. I do not wake up and watch tv all day. I'm working on my website re-design and I want it to look awesome. So, that's what I'm doing - making it look awesome. I got the frame work of the simple design laid out, and now I want to build some of the more complex items of the website. I want the gallery to look pretty amazing, and I am going to make myself learn some PHP code so that I can make the website be more dynamic than just informational.

In between working on the websites and looking for work - I am keeping pretty busy. At least, I'm trying to.

Monday, September 15, 2008

The Unemployed Life

Sure can be boring, and this is not the time in the economy to be unemployed! It is very difficult these days to find work. I have had many interviews with recruiters who have been very gracious in their time and trying to get me temporary work. I'm very lucky, but very impatient.

It's Monday of week 2, and I am already beginning to pull off my fingernails. It's not even that I'm bored because I'm keeping extremely busy with packing up my apartment, selling furniture, looking for a job, freelancing, working on my portfolio, meeting with recruiters and it all ends up filling up my days timewise. Yet my time is not fulfilled. The economy right now is really horrid too, and that isn't helping. I'm laying awake thinking, hmmm, should I take my money out of the bank. No, seriously should I?

(sigh) Patient A closed on Saturday. Granted, it opened on Friday, but it was still a good two shows. The show seemed to be well received and people liked it. Unfortunately, I don't have any pictures from the performance, but so much has been going on I haven't had time to really think about anything else. Except of course unemployment.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Out with the Old in with the NEW

You'd think with more available time I would be addicted to writing like a crazy person. Yet, what did you want me to talk about? How my life got complicated and the very next day I got laid off from work 4 months before my plan to move to NYC?

Ok, sure, I'll pretend for a split second that you have an interest in empathizing with me for a moment, but really you're thinking thank God I still have a job and my love life is fantastic! :)

I'm just kidding - forgive the negative bitter taste to my conversation. The stress of moving out of my wonderful happy apartment and frantically trying to figure out how to feed my mouth and save money for the next few months has been getting to me. I've put everything on the back burner except trying to figure out my livelihood.

I should get used to this. I'm trying to think of this as a sign because this is what my life is going to be like in NYC. Frantic, hectic, jumping from job to job. Not knowing what is going to come next, and I'm trying to embrace this change and find the comfort in the uncomfortable. I had a feeling that my job was going to get outsourced, but I had hoped that it would last until January.

In addition to the unwanted stress, my show Patient A is opening tomorrow night. With all this negative energy surrounding me, I didn't get a chance to really talk about the process. My mine has been defocused. I'm in rehearsal and I figure it out in rehearsal. Then it stays in rehearsal. I haven't had much time to really figure out and analyze the process of the show. I have loved working with my fellow talented actors and with the director who offered a lot of insight to this gem of a show.

The line memorizing!! SO MANY LINES. I mean lines lines lines. Huge speeches about a life that you must convey is/was your own. Speak as if it is the first time you're saying this story. It's very difficult!! Acting is hard and the market is over populated. Yet, I am moving to NYC. I can't give it up - not yet at least.