The Ghost of Christmas past returns?

Hi Internet. I sheepishly return to the keyboard asking myself if I do in fact remember how to type on it... Will I stay for good?
I don't know. I'm conflicted.

I returned to my favorite blogger dooce and discovered that I do miss writing about my comings and goings regardless if anyone does actually read it. I remembered how much I actually love the computer and how much I loved reading all about the life of Heather, John and Leta Armstrong. I soon discovered how much I have actually missed in their life and felt saddened by my own absence. Then I asked myself why I haven't written anything on my blog. (here comes the conflicted part) I suppose I have moments of - uuuuuuuhhhhhh what do I write? I'm here in New York scrambling to get make ends meat as a waitress. I live in a not so nice part of harlem and auditioning just gets harder and I haven't heard anything? Is that really interesting? Am I just highlighting my struggles or what some my construe to be my failures?

Perhaps, but I'm going to brave it.

So, I'm here Internet confessing that the past 6 months have been hard and I can sum up what I've done in 3 uninteresting sentences. Yet, here I sit in the sweltering heat of my non air conditioned apartment in the middle of August turning over a new leaf committing myself to write about my adventures.

Time Management

I need need need to practice my time management skills.

I have to do a good blog everyday. Fail.

I have to get on the move for New York and bang out some details. Fail.

I have to finish a website that I've been dragging my heels on. FAIL!!!!!! - This one is causing me the largest amount of stress right now, but I'll manage. I am resolving this moment to stop being lazy and get on it.

You wore your suit...

...and I flocked like a bee to honey.

I'm here, and I've been writing. I've been writing one of those letters. You know, the letters that you sit and spend WEEKS writing and perfecting to describe exactly how you're feeling; then you never send it.

Here's the opening paragraph to one of mine:

As the days pass by, it has become painfully obvious that my words will never reach your ears, but these emotions that have infected my heart, body and soul and must come out in one fashion or another. That lurking eminent feeling of loss looms over me and fills me with dread. Yet, for the first time, in a long time, wrong or right, risking or not, sad, elated, scared and excited, I just plain don’t care. This is who I am. This is how I feel and I'm going to tell you about it.

aaaaand scene.

These letters can be extremely therapeutic for a young dramatic lady spending her days reflecting tenaciously on her current state of mind. I started writing this letter in a very different place. I had the hopes to actually give this letter a home, but then it happened. I felt it in the pit of my stomach and I could not control it. Up, up, up it came and out went the word vomit. That disgusting, nauseating and vile-should-be-kept-to-yourself words dripping with all this feeling came out, and I was done. Now three single spaced typed pages later, I lay at the bottom of the bathroom floor dry heaving words. Type. Type. Type. delete - delete - delete - delete - delete. (sigh)

Regardless, is it really safe to be actually inking these type of things?

It's that constant debate. What's too private for the Internet? Should you really be writing it in your journal? If you write one of those letters then should you burn it later?

It's pretty hard for me to edit myself when I'm puking up words, so, I use my journal or write those letters and then stick it in my journal. I have a few safe people on journal burning duty if anything were to happen to me. Yet, I'm still not convinced that my words will never be unread, but should I care if I'm dead? - That's how I rationalize it. I won't care. I'll be dead.

So in the meantime, it all comes out to help organize the emotional roller coaster I take myself on, and if anyone were to read it, I would say: It's your own fault! I didn't open the journal and say please read this.

10 Minutes a Day keeps the Doctor Away

I welcome 2008, and I hope to be just as successful with my 2008 goals as I did with 2007.

I accomplished all of my very important 2007 goals career wise and personal. I hope the same bodes true for 2008.

I'd like to blog/write more this year, and become more skilled at the art.

I'd like to get at least half of my equity points this year.

Perhaps get married and have a baby. - I'm so joking...
I need tonight to reorg my brain.

Here's to a new year, and a new start.

It's over

Today is the last day of November, and I have a happy number 30 next to November in my post count. YAY. Celebrate dance.

It's funny, I wrote out a whole list of things I wanted to write about and post, and I did not post one entry in my brainstorm list of topics. How sad. What does that mean? It means that I have a neurological disorder and Dr. Foreman needs to drill a hole into my brain while Dr. House pleads his case in court.

Ha. Ok, so I'm addicted. I can't help it. It's just part of who I am. Is it really that terrible how I stayed up until 1AM to watch, but I am paying for it now because I can barely keep my eyes open. Lucky for me, we are just moving. See you on Monday.

Write Write Write!!!

It doesn't have to be good!

WHY did you decide to pick November? It's the start of the holidays. don't you know I'm scrambling around like a chicken with no head to get a turkey on the table on Thursday? I thought that when the Gala would close I would have a little more time, but I have no time. I have no time. Ugh. (4 minutes.)

Tomorrow, I am hoping to take a half day so I can get to the grocery store...make my pie crusts and clean my house before my parents come and see it. I wanted to get my posters hung and my cabinet painted. However, the cabinet is going to have to wait. I think that tomorrow I will have the 10 minutes I need to get the posters hung. To your surprise, I actually did NOT have time this weekend to do this stuff. I was busy running around with a graduation robe on and a "wand" in my hand participating in Harry Patter.

Time, can I please have some more in the day? please. one hour clearly was not enough.

whew

Rushing out of the show, I realized it was 10:30pm, and I only had two more hours to post something. Of course, I've had three glasses of champaign, and I have beeen couped in a theatre since 12:30 this afternoon. This doesn't seem bad to you, but i didn't get out of bed until 11:30am. Does that seem worse? Ok, I know. I was so lazy this morning, but I really needed to be. I was ssosoosososo tired.

The show was fantastic. I took great pictures that I will share because Thanksgiving on Saturday was not so great...and I didn't take pictures. :(

Ugh. It's going to be a stressful work week!

Halfway there...almost

I've almost made it to the halfway mark without running out of things to say. I had been doing so well, but then I got punched in the stomach with news that I can't share just yet, and my ideas left me - along with my air.

Its ok, at least, Pash and I have been doing better since the latest fiasco. We are happily planning our long awaited trip to hang out with my parents in Florida for Christmas. I know this makes some people unhappy, that my parents are getting Thanksgiving AND Christmas. However, it's been a rough year for both families, and it's just this year. We will be together the next.

I think I need to take a run, and clear my brain. It's feeling muddled.

And so it begins

It's November 1st. I've created a list of ideas to go back to incase I loose steam this month. I don't want to spend the entire post writing about November because it is a cop out post. I will say that I didn't post yesterday because I wanted to save up my energy, but now, I'm looking at the screen, and my mind is going like this adkfj;dakjf;jasdfl;kjalsdlkfjl;adjgoiowuerhmdnvjhiwjrn. (read: mush.)


Pash and I had very long talks the last couple of days. We're still together, but I feel like I have a lot to evaluate. I don't know if it's him, us, or me.

While I mull over my relationship, I have been gearing up for the Hanson concert on Monday! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!! I can not even express the excitement that I feel right now. I have not stopped listening to the The Walk, and I decided that I needed to brush up on the past cd's.

So, I busted out Middle of Nowhere, This Time Around, Underneath ,The Best of Hanson Live and Electric and, of course, The Walk.

I hesitated at first because the first cd was released in '97. I was 15. Um, ten years later would I still feel the same way? How devastating would it be to me if the answer to that question was NO? Luckily for me and for my friends, the answer was a resounding YES!!! You should have seen me driving to work this morning rocking out to MMMBOP at 7:30am! I think someone got on their cell phone to dial 911....
"The girl next to me is not fit to drive. I don't think she's looking at the road."

Saturday Morning

It's 9:40am on Saturday, and I'm sitting here at my computer with a cup of coffee in my hands. The weather is sort of a bleakish grey, but I am still looking out my window watching the hustle and bustle of the busy street.

So THIS is what it's going to feel like on Saturday's in November.

I thought I would just sit down at my computer and give it a whirl before I head off to scrub down the kitchen.

Good morning world!

Breath of Fresh Air

I've momentarily been quiet since my Target post, but mostly because I have been slammed with some freelance work, rehearsal for the Gala and spending time organizing my life. I'll be right back.

Pencils Up!

I have already established the fact that I am crazy, but today I have discovered that I am in fact insane. Yup. It's true.

My honorary sister, Ashley said, "let's do this." With out much thought, I went to the website and signed up for NaBloPoMo.

National Blogging Posting Month starts November 1st, and I am to post a blog EVERY SINGLE day of November...including Saturday's and Sundays.

Does this make crazy? No.
Does this make me insane? why, yes. Yes it does.

Oh, it's going to be fun. No one said that I had to write about anything interesting, and I do not have to write about anything that anyone wants to read about. All I have to do is write, but as usual, I have a ZILLION questions.

1) How long do my posts have to be?
2) Do they have to make sense?
3) If I just post a picture does that count?

So, three does not exactly equal a zillion, but when all three questions cultivate itself into your brain at the same time, it feels like a zillion.

I guess it's time to prep for November. I hope I don't get carpal tunnel.