Bringing It Into the Central Park and Tracing USA.

I had the pleasure of seeing three shows in this past week, and at first I was very concerned.

I take pride in enjoying everything I see live in the theater. I am the person that LOVES the show even though everyone around me did not like it. At least - I used to be. What we do is so incredibly difficult, so, going to see a show with a critical eye does no one any good. I still believe that, so, seeing shows that I didn't enjoy concerns me. I refuse to be the critical, bitter, out-of-work actor that doesn't like anything because nothing can be perfect or because I'M not starring in it.  I know it can be difficult to watch people who can't sing the role very well have a part when getting a job as an actor can be like winning the lottery. Yes, I know, it HAPPENS ALL THE TIME. I'm prepared for it, but it still feels bad sometimes. So, let's talk about the shows. 

BRING IT ON. I really had high hopes for this musical because it was written by Tom Kitt and Lin- Manuel Miranda. I LOVED their previous shows, and I thought using the plot from this movie would translate beautifully. It just wasn't what I expected and at times I felt a little bored. Even though this was not my favorite thing I've seen on Broadway, there are still aspects of the show that need to be congratulated. The cheerleading tricks were entertaining and Adrienne Warren, who played Danielle, had an amazing voice. I'm glad I saw it because it was an experience.

INTO THE WOODS. This is such a magical experience that The Public does for us every summer, and last summer I did not take advantage of this gift. I almost missed the opportunity THIS summer and it would have been unforgiveable. Anyway, The Public puts on two FREE shows at the Delacorte Theater in Central Park. The event is called Shakespeare in the Park. Usually they do one Shakespeare show and a musical. To get tickets you can either stand in line starting as early at 3am and wait until the ticket distribution at 1pm or you can play the virtual lottery and see if you can win tickets. You can also try and get tickets in the standby line. That's what I did. I got in line at 6pm and waited until 7:45pm and I got a ticket to see the show because someone didn't claim their ticket. I sat in the second row! The whole experience is truly magical, and if you and your friends can do it right. It's such a summer treat. You can picnic all day, drink wine, and enjoy the summer weather in the park. The trouble is that we all live here so it's so easy to just say we are going to do it, but then everyone gets too busy. It's not going to happen next summer. I'm going to make it happen. I got to see INTO THE WOODS starring Amy Adams as the Baker's Wife, Denis O'Hare as the Baker and Donna Murphy as the Witch. My personal favorite for the entire evening was Jessie Mueller as Cinderella. She has such a stellar voice and stage presence. The scenes between her and the prince were AWESOME, and she could sing me the phone book. I loved the choreography: simple and sharp. The little red and wolf scene was a little intense and I thought it made her song not make sense at the end. Some of the singing wasn't my cup of tea, but the show on the whole was great. It's closing this weekend and it just feels like the end of summer.

TRACES. This was one of the most beauitful things I have EVER SEEN. If the muscial Once and Circ Du Soleil had a baby, it would be this show. I'm so disappointed that this show is closing this weekend and if you can get out there to see this gorgeous show you MUST. It's short. 90 minutes no intermission. It's a stunning acrobatic dance show. The way these performers can move and use their body is truly astounding, and their individual artistry comes through in the movement. It is a show that everyone can enjoy. It's gorgeous and breathtaking. I'm so disappointed that Sunday the 2nd is the last time to see it because I would make all my family coming into town see it. 

I guess with labor day coming up it feels like the end of summer. Everyone is back to school and I'm about to finish school. Looking forward to the Fall, to the change, and to a new season of theater. 

Starting Over...Again

Every few posts I seem to say, "I can't believe I haven't blogged in such a long time." Who wants to keep reading about that? It's boring, but what struck me as incredibly interesting and heartbreaking was this post: Crazy is Overwhelming I wrote that just over a year ago, and the heart breaking part of that story is that I have been fighting those exact same horrible feelings and issues for over a year now. Except it got worse. I'm on the upswing of things and "they" say it has to get worse before it can get better.

Let's start with the good shall we?

I'm engaged.

I've been so busy "dealing" with life - I forget to take a moment and just breathe in happiness. I moved out of my Harlem apartment in early February of 2010. While it was sad and very difficult to leave my roommate at the time, I had a new roommate - my fiance to be. It was a monumental step for me because I had not ever lived with a partner before. I'm 28 and always had roommates or I lived alone. The adjustment has not been seamless but worth it. We comfortably live on the west side right by a park in a very accessible and happening part of town. I couldn't be happier here.

He proposed to me on a very hot evening in July right in front of Lincoln Center dressed in a suit and miserably waiting for me for over an hour. :) It's truly a romantic story ending with champaign and dancing right by the fountain in front of Lincoln Center. This location is where we ended our first date and began the rest of our lives together. I'll save this post for another entry.

"My lonely, unsuccessful and depressed life in New York" is just now turning around. I still miss my CA friends so much. So so so so much. I spent most of this August celebrating my honorary sister's wedding and introducing my fiance to my life in California. The whirl-wind tour ended with a beautiful celebration of love: a gorgeous wedding. I cried for most of the flight back to NYC. The torturous absence of my daily interaction with my CA friends I described in my last years post still eats me alive. I still constantly wait for the next time I get to see them and my heart is pained knowing that the reasons to see them are few and far between. Their absence still brings tears to my eyes, but it is no longer destructive. I miss them, but we still keep in contact and we still see each other as much as possible. I have a stronger focus now which keeps my missingness less destructive.

My Weight.
A huge huge huge huge battle. Right before I left for California, I cried on the phone to the mother of the bride because I wasn't sure I was going to fit into the bridesmaid dress that I just tried on in June. I had packed all my winter clothes in May and for the wedding in August, I had to unpack them to take them to California because California has a much brisker climate than New York in the summertime. I tried on all my clothes and NOTHING fit. Last year nothing fit... I was forced to buy new clothes. This year nothing fits... I was forced to buy a diet book. No, seriously I was beyond frustrated because I HAD been working out. Not working. For me - it's the balance of what I'm eating and working out. In the past, I could eat whatever I wanted and just work out. This is not the case anymore. I have to eat right AND work out. I have the luxuary of having my own personal nutritionist. :) Ok, not really, but kinda. I have a friend that is studying to be a nutritionist and I am CONSTANTLY picking her brain apart probably to the point of irritation, but she's studying - she says she needs the practice. She also recommended this diet book to me called: "The Perfect 10"

This is the start of week 3 for me and the diet has indeed done wonders. I still have a way to go, but for the most part I'm watching unwanted rolls melt off my body. I'm no longer cringing away from the mirror, and I don't cry every time I have to get dressed in the morning. I'm still not in love with taking pictures, but I'm going to get there. This weight gain took 2 years to manifest itself. It's going to take a little longer than 3 weeks to completely get rid of it. Since moving to New York, I gained close to 30 pounds.

So, what am I eating in my diet?

For the first three weeks, no grains, no processed sugar, no alcohol and more fat. This was very very very difficult to do. I realize now just how bad the restaurant industry was for my self-esteem and my state of mind at the time. I was eating french fries twice and day and drinking every day of the week. I'm not saying that I blame my job nor am I saying that I wouldn't go back to waitressing. I'm saying that at the time I wasn't able to make good choices for myself and for my body because of my self esteem. It's not healthy and I didn't have the strength or the will to just say No. Giving up these foods has been by far the hardest things to do, and it's given me complete awareness! I didn't realize just how often I was drinking a bottle of wine in one sitting. That's a lot of calories. Eating more fat has also been a little bit hard to wrap my brain around considering that most of the mainstream diets this day and age still have not grasped the concept yet. Every protein or vegetable or fruit carbohydrate must be eaten with a little bit of fat. The fat helps the body break down the carbohydrates much faster according to this book. So, I'll eat eggs in the morning with avocado or a piece of cheese or I'll eat full fat yogurt with berries. Lunch I'll have a salad with only olive oil as the dressing or lemon juice as the dressing with a little bit of cheese in the salad. Dinner I'll have chicken pan fried in olive oil seasoned with salt and pepper and chili peppers or tomatoes or coconut with steamed raw or sauteed vegetable. You're not supposed to count calories, but I still taper them. I'll have a big breakfast smaller lunch and a smaller dinner. I've cut caffeine out as well for the most part. I'll drink a cup of decaf coffee with whole fat milk. No sugar. I allow myself one cup of green tea a day because of the antioxidants and the amount of caffeine is nothing compared to the 4 cups of coffee I used to drink. Right now I hold out my arm and it doesn't shake. Snacks include: veggies (no carrots and no beets), nuts, hummus, seeds, avocado. I usually only need snacks if I have worked out a lot that day or I'm up for more hours that usual. The fat keeps me fuller longer. After stage 1 the detox stage you can start bringing whole grains back into your diet. Not a lot, but you can bring it back depending on how much energy you expend. Alcohol and sweets can be brought back sparingly. Stage 3 you can start treating yourself to your occasional hamburger or fried french fries or pizza - it's NEVER good for you, but at least the body will be able to handle it. I plan to get a full physicals as soon as I'm done. I'll let you know how my arteries look, my cholesterol and my blood pressure all look.

Working out.
I tried Bikram Yoga. It was great but didn't work. I've gone back to school and I'm dancing 9 hours a week. It's going to whip my body into shape. I'm no longer concerned. I still try and workout 6 days a week. There are 3 days we don't work out in school. I try and do some type of cardio on Wednesdays and Saturdays.

Then I talked about performing.
I was still floundering. I decided to do something about it. I applied to a professional program called Cap21. It's NYU's old program, but it's bigger, better and stronger than ever! I'm so glad that I took the leap of faith and plunged myself into this program. I quit my restaurant my job. I'm spending 40+ hours a week focusing only on acting, dancing and singing. I'm surrounded my people that are in the same place that I am regarding performing. This is going to plunge me into the New York scene and I'm so grateful for it. I seriously can't wait to just live. I'll break down my experience in the program a little more, but this post is already getting too long.

I'm taking control of my life. I'm only sorry that it took me so long to do it.

Someone is Always Crazier.

Working in the restaurant business has lead to meeting the strangest type of characters. For instance tonight green suite actor man walks into the restaurant and he promptly sits at the bar. Luckily, I didn't have to serve him, but I got to hear his stories first hand from my friend - the bartender. He orders a drink and pulls his wad of 1 dollar bills crumpled up in his pocket and spends at least 10 minutes counting out 9 dollars. During this transaction, he asks her where she is from. Discovering her hometown once simply was not enough. In her return he asks her again and she politely reminds him that he already asked her. We then find out that he has short term memory problems and wants to know what film we last saw him in. Averting all interaction with crazy mccrazyson, we hang out at the other end of the bar. At some point I had to go into the kitchen to run food out to my tables. I walk by and he grumbles after me "how can she not recognize me. "

crap.

I knew I had to walk by him again and there was no way around it. This time he stopped me with a barking sound that I think resembled a hello. He mumbled at me and I couldn't understand so I awkwardly chuckled and ran away. The bartender then informed me that he was filming a movie today so his mumblings must have something to so with preserving his voice. Clearly, he over used it in the shoot this afternoon

My favorite type of crazy is the cheating sex couple that always seem to come in while I'm working.

This girl came in once at the beginning of my shift and told me that she was waiting for someone. The middle aged hunched over balding man came into the restaurant soon after. I'm a little unclear if this start to their evening was a staged get away from work followed by a staged entrance into the restaurant like no one there would notice they were sitting together. In fact, it was impossible to advert your eyes from this particular couple. From the start they sat super close to each other which is fine but after the third beer in the necking began. I'm not talking about a cute hi- honey -I -love -you -I'm -going -to -show -you- how-much-I- love- you. It's more like -the -disgusting- shoving -tongue- down- her- throat- which- I'm -sure- caused- drool- to -stream-down- her- face- I- wanna- throw -up -in- my -mouth- type of necking. I am not exaggerating when I say that at one point she was standing between his sitting legs and he was starting to caress her chest with his mouth at least the part of her chest that was showing in her low cut blouse. I refused to go over there and serve them because I was scared of what I'd really see if I went over there. I thought maybe if I didn't serve them they would leave. Every once in awhile, he would call out to me from across the room. He didn't want me over there just as much as I didn't want to go over there. I noticed that they both each wore wedding rings and they obviously weren't married to each other because any normal sensible couple would have spared the rest of the people in the joint and gone home to their house and played restaurant. There are plenty of hotels in new York and fat annies isn't one of them. When he finally asked for his check he asked me how much. I replied - for the food or the show? Ok fine. I didn't say that but I really really wanted to.

How do these people look at themselves in the mirror the next day? At the very least it makes for good entertainment. Next time I'll speak of the ones who try and hit on the waitress.

Two Trains and a Cab Drive Later...

Living in Harlem and heading to the lower East Side to hang out proves to be difficult with every attempt. Sunday night was no exception and being a weekend made the trip even more difficult. First of all, the only trains that cross from the west to the east side are the blue line E, the M60(bus) and the grey S (shuttle between 42nd Times Square to 42nd Grand Central Station - an obviously comfortable non crowded route serving breakfast with each trip ) or the dreaded phantom L train that never seems to arrive. The electronic board flashes "Brooklyn bound leaving in 0 min" for at least 15 minutes before the train even arrives. Thus, the treck to the lower East side begins and ends with one million transfers. The value of the location is often determined by the length of the jounrney traveled to get there.

My roommate recently returned from working at a kids theater summer camp in Lennox, MA. In her return, she brought new and exciting friends who happen to live on the East Side. In an effort to get to know the recently planted frineds, I attepted the journey to enjoy the east side. With a successful arrival, I embraced the laugh fest evening over two cocktails and great company. However, the 12:30am departure ruined the evening because it took 10 years of my life just to get home especially with the extra side of crazy the subway brought to my journey.

My roomate and I waitred for teh F train for literally 45 min. In that time we had crazy #1 listen to our conversation about travel and promptly interupted us to answer my mind musings I was sharing with my friend. He replied, "Get off at West 4th Street" with such a loud authority it was tough to ignore his presence. Thus a much desired silence from our unwanted conversationalist came only when we stopped talking to each other which made the wait for our train last an eternity. 50 min later we arrived at West 4th street to wait for the A train to get uptown. My roommate just haaaaad to remind me that we had gone about 3 blocks and a few avenues that we could have probably walked if we put any thought into our trip home. Here we met crazy #2 who had her two young children in toe at 1:30am on a Sunday evening. In the running for mother of the year, obviously. She asked three times how to get to grand central station from where we were located. She hovered over the gentleman sitting next to me admiring his piercings managing to barley catch her seven year old from putting a nacho in her mouth that had touch the lip of the trash can next to the cracked out toothless homeless gentleman visibly salivating over the plump seven year old herself or the disgusting mangled plate of what could only be nachos she just threw away.

Please.get.me.out.of.here.

The A train finally arrived and we met crazy person #3. Much like crazy #1, he had to join in our conversation. He responded to my roommates question of - "do you think Julie wants her coffe table back when she moves?" Crazy #3 launched into a detailed desercription of an armour we could have if we were interested. Our stop could not arrive fast enough.

Finally we see the 100's and our train stops at 103. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...... Really? We're really going to stall out between stops here? Yes, that's exactly what were are going to do. Apparently, there were workers on the track but I only discovered that when one of them either got clipped by the subway or banged on the window that I happened to be sitting by. Tattoo face laughed hard at my visible jump and my fatigue vanished in two seconds with a yelp that accompanied my jump.

2am arrived and we finally came above ground. Still 5 stops away from our stop, I put my friend in a cab to finish the treck uptown considering our neighbor hood is increasingly unsafe with muggings in our building, drug deals on our stoop, random cat calls to send chills and a broken lock on my door from months past. This is why I convinced my sweetheart to move to the west side since I'd rather pull out my eyelashes then head to the east side.

I then headed over to my sweetheart's place after the dreaded public transport trip contemplating whether or not saving the money for a cab was really worth it.

Sometimes you have to love New York.

The Ghost of Christmas past returns?

Hi Internet. I sheepishly return to the keyboard asking myself if I do in fact remember how to type on it... Will I stay for good?
I don't know. I'm conflicted.

I returned to my favorite blogger dooce and discovered that I do miss writing about my comings and goings regardless if anyone does actually read it. I remembered how much I actually love the computer and how much I loved reading all about the life of Heather, John and Leta Armstrong. I soon discovered how much I have actually missed in their life and felt saddened by my own absence. Then I asked myself why I haven't written anything on my blog. (here comes the conflicted part) I suppose I have moments of - uuuuuuuhhhhhh what do I write? I'm here in New York scrambling to get make ends meat as a waitress. I live in a not so nice part of harlem and auditioning just gets harder and I haven't heard anything? Is that really interesting? Am I just highlighting my struggles or what some my construe to be my failures?

Perhaps, but I'm going to brave it.

So, I'm here Internet confessing that the past 6 months have been hard and I can sum up what I've done in 3 uninteresting sentences. Yet, here I sit in the sweltering heat of my non air conditioned apartment in the middle of August turning over a new leaf committing myself to write about my adventures.

Another thing about New York...

....is the distinct difference in gentleman-ness towards women here.

Walking home from the grocery store today I carried a cart full of groceries, my laundry, my purse and another plastic bags with eggs to keep them from getting crushed when some gentleman pulls his car over and offers to help me carry my stuff to my door. He said, "Need any help? I'm just trying to be a gentleman?" Granted I know it was only because he thought highly of my womanly features because when I replied no thank you and yes, I'm sure I'm fine to his many reattempts to help, he says, "You take care of your pretty self." Smiling and flattered I walked away thinking - if a guy thought I was hot walking down the street in San Francisco, I'd be lucky to get a horn honk and a screaming -"Hey Baby"

Winter in New York

When visiting Lexie in August ’08, she took me to one of her favorite spots in New York where she would go if she felt remotely homesick. I didn’t really understand what that felt like until I moved here, and now I have a favorite walk. Sure, most normal people have a favorite spot, but I am restless. Thus, I have a favorite walk.

Walking from the green line (4 or 6 east side) to the blue line (A,C,E west side) from the 59 stop. If you’re starting the walk from the east side, you’re standing at 59 and Lexington, which is in the middle of shopping land including Bloomingdales, Nine West, Steve Madden and many other stores for the retail soul. I walk on 59th Street with Central Park to my right finishing at Columbus Circle. Yesterday, I started the walk at Columbus Circle and walked to the east side and then through the park back to Columbus Circle. I felt like I missed winter being consumed with moving, job hunting, auditioning and settling into the comforts of Harlem. So, I welcomed yesterday’s blizzard leaving behind ten inches of snow that New York residents hope will be enough for work to deem a snow day to curl up in the arms of their lovers.

On my walk there is this bridge. It’s my favorite part of the walk, and I see this bridge in the park in all seasons. I hope to take this same picture for all seasons, but here my friends is New York in the winter:




This is a picture I took standing on my favorite bridge looking at my walk:




Here are some more shots I took in Central Park, but I left out the pictures of people illegally tubing and cross-country skiing mostly because my frozen fingers were dealing with text messaging.

While auditioning for a season...

My last post was brought to you while sitting in the Les Miserables audition, and I’ve discovered that sitting at auditions are the time that I get the most downtime to write. Auditioning in New York is extremely brutal. This is how the Les Miz audition went:

I got at the studio at 8:00am and put my name on the list. I was number 284 only to be followed by 200 more girls asking to be put on the list. By the time the audition started at 10:00am, 500 girls had signed up for the audition. They did not want to type out so they broke the list into groups of 30 people and put people into a room and lined us up in three lines of 10. They taught us two lines of “Lovely Ladies” and then went down the line one by one singing as much of the 12 bars as he saw fit. Then he kept people as he saw fit to stay and sing some more. I got to stay and sing Cosette in the same fashion as before. 30 girls lined up learned two lines of her song and then kept. I got cut after the first call, but at least I got called. The ladies sitting next to me didn’t. I know they were being particular and I still have faith that my time will come for something. After all, this is just my 4th audition. I’ve been here four weeks. It’s going to take time.

In other news, I got a job. Actually, I got two. I’ve started this marketing internship for a known Broadway producer. I’m helping him get his start-up off the ground which is pretty fantastic. I can’t say much about the work I’m doing for it is a start-up and I have signed a NADA. Yet, I think this will be a great opportunity for me should it work out.

I also got my waitress job. I’m currently working at Fat Annie’s in NYC. It’s a great great great place to get some real waitress experience instead of catering only. It is a restaurant described as southern comfort style cuisine. Yesterday was my first day. Here are a couple of things I have to get used to: 1) Ketchup. 2) Standing on my feet 3) Getting out of my comfort zone. The smell of ketchup makes me vomit. I touch it and I think I smell like it ALL DAY LONG. I hate ketchup everything about it. The taste, the smell, the look and in fact if ketchup and mosquitoes disappeared from this earth, I would be a very very very happy woman. I would go as far as to say that those two things are the worst things ever. I mean ever. Everyone who works there so far is very nice and the work seems to come very quickly to them. Right now, I’m in training so my schedule is not on the books. I don’ t know what my schedule is. Everyday that I go in I just get put back on the schedule for my next training day. I’m working on memorizing the menu, but I got home last night and I wanted to collapse. It was 8:30pm and they put me on a double. I had been there since 10:30am on my feet. Serving is going to be fine. I think I will do fine.

And so begins the delicate balance between working for survival and surviving in the theatre; both a daunting task. Take today for example. I woke up at 4:30am by the sound of the battery dying in the carbon monoxide detector which I tried to sleep through but that didn’t happen. My alarm went off at 5:00am and I got changed and headed to the audition arriving with my roommate at 6:47am. I am number 123 and she is 124. This means that I potentially will not be seen before I have I need to be at work at 1pm to work in the marketing place for a few hours. Then I’m off to work the dinner shift at 5pm till closing. So I’ve been up since 4:30am and I won’t get home until 12am. Thus, I learned a very valuable lesson about open non-equity calls. You must get here at 6am. MUST MUST MUST. Well, if you want to be seen early then you want to be here at 6am. Something that is potentially disturbing me about waitress is that it is just as difficult to get to auditions if you’re working a lunch shift and need to be there at 10:30am. Then, if you are working a double, you’re there for 12 hours and forget about getting to any audition. If I wanted to work those type of days than I could get an office job from 10:30am until 7pm and call it a job. Flexible is hard to find and in this economy I should just be happy that I HAVE a job. It’s part of the reason these audition calls are incredibly brutal. Everyone is out of work including actors non equity and equity. 300+ people are showing up to these auditions to these open calls. All things I know and knew before I moved here but it sure is one thing to hear it versus experiencing it. I’m trying desperately to let it go. To know that whatever is meant to happen will happen. That all I can do is my very best before I burn out, and hope that all things will fall into place. I know this will happen but my mental energy is starting to get sucked up. How long will I be able to keep up working these 15 hour days with little to no rest? Don’t get my wrong. I’m not discouraged. I’m not complaining. I actually feel motivated and energized sitting here waiting for my chance to sing and surrounded by people who talk about their upcoming auditions. I love that. I’m living the life I dreamed about since I graced the stage in ’98. Now it is time to get out of these open call lines by getting my equity card and getting some gigs.

Can we talk about the audition room for a second? First of all, it’s so packed. SOOOO packed. People are sitting wherever there is space, and it’s difficult to even dream about walking through the sea of human bodies to the door to get to the bathroom. At the Les Miz audition, I got called to sing, and I stepped on someone’s foot to get to the table. I felt terrible about it, but really I thought it was her bag. I had to step SOMEWHERE and the floor was covered. The room is also like a wannabe red carpet room. You should see some of the things that women wear! One of the girls was wearing a purple dress that you could see her boob from her profile. Really? What on are these woman thinking? I would never wake up and think – let me put on no clothes. Ok, I have to go and focus on what to sing. I need to start focusing on this audition and seeing if I can wiggle my way to be seen before 12:30pm.

A Day in New York

In the last two days I discovered why people often type New Yorkers to be rude, mean and inconsiderate. New Yorkers are not rude, mean and inconsiderate; other people here lack common sense which is very difficult to tolerate.

I should have known that the last two days were going to be difficult when I woke up on Tuesday morning to discover my roommate's cloths strewn about the couch destroyed by the bleach at the laundry mat with notes from screaming WTF?!?!?! We sat on the couch for the morning commiserating about our lack of jobs, auditions and I tried to console her about her ruined clothes. Trying to find the comedy in our tragic story, I got a phone call for a hostess interview and I had to be on the east side by 2pm.

Great. I hopped in the shower and checked hopstop to figure out how to get there. It's tricky because I'm west and north of Central Park and getting to the east side takes two - maybe three - trains to get to that side. I had to take the D to Yankee Stadium and then transfer to the 4. Now, the B and D run on the same line. The A and the C run on the same line. If you're going downtown, these 4 lines essentially stop at the all the same stops but not if you're going NORTH. Well, I'm an idiot and I didn't discover that until I hopped on the C got off at 161 and discovered that this not a Yankee Stadium stop. So, I had to GO BACK to 145 and get back to the D.

Crap. I'm walking quickly to the station and this person in front of me was lollygagging up the stairs. Not only was she lollygagging, she was TAKING OVER THE SUBWAY STAIRS. I heard the train pull up and I'm doing everything I possibly can to get around her. I almost pushed her, but then I saw the train close the doors and go by. ARGH! ARGH! YOU MADE ME MISS MY TRAIN YOU LOLLYGAGGER YOU!!! It was the D too, so, I had to wait another 20 minutes for the D to arrive. I left at 1pm, and it's now 2pm. A whole 60 minutes to go two stops? I'm still in Harlem and it's been 60 minutes? Oh man where is that lollygagger?!?! The D finally arrived and I got to Yankee Stadium which was filled with lollygaggers. FILLED! MOVE OUT OF MY WAY I NEED TO GET TO THE FOUR PLATFORM!!!! Guess it's Murphy's law because I got to the top of the stairs just as the doors were closing for the 4. It just isn't my day. It's now 2:30. I'm still in Harlem and I was so supposed to be there at 2:15pm.

Yes, of course I called.

I get to the restaurant at 2:50 pm. Luckily for me, they really weren't honoring appointments. It was a free for all essentially and people just waited in line for a job. Already flustered I listened to the interview before me, and this girl with five years experience as a server was interviewing before me. I'm late, flustered and feeling defeated and they call me to the table. I interviewed like crap and decided to do some retail therapy. It didn't help because I have no job and I refused to spend any unnecessary money.

Yesterday, I went to an open call for a serving position. Over 100 people showed up and four people were shuffling through the applicants. My roommate and I met this amazing new friend Beau. The three of us each interviewed with different people. My interview went really well, and I think I have a chance at this job. She said she was going to call me on Friday, so, I'm not going to say anything until something is for sure. Until then I'm going to continue to look for a job!

My First New York Audition

I’m not sure if I’ll be able to call this my first NYC audition because I’m not sure if I’ll get seen since I am a non-equity at an equity call, and I did go to that West Side Story Audition. Ok, let’s call this my first audition since living here. I posted on my facebook today that I was going to auditions today. I’m so blessed to have this incredible network of friends and family that love me and support me because I got here and already had a million text messages showering me with love and confidence. I couldn’t help but wonder as I stepped off the subway at 6:30am dressed to the nines how long it will take to get old. By “get old” I mean, the thrill of auditioning, the getting up at 5:00am to get to an audition you may not be seen at, the constant waiting, the love and support – essentially all of it. Will I write on my facebook status- 702566788347 audition? Yes, I probably will. I love this room. I love this environment and I don’t mind the waiting.

I learned a couple of really important things:

I’m at an Equity call in the equity office. Equity is the union for actors and stage managers. If you are apart of this union, you are considered a professional actor. You no longer can audition for unpaid shows. Non-Equity folks can show up to audition, but you may or may not be seen. So I had been advised to show up first and early.

When I arrived at 6:30am, I discovered that four lists exist and you should find out what list you must sign up for before you get there. 1) Equity with appointments. 2) Equity without appointments. (alternatives) 3) EMC (Equity Membership Candidate) 4) Non-Equity. The class hierarchy is pretty much amazing. There is an equity lounge that is moniterd. Noone can pass the monitor unless they show their equity card or EMC card. In this lounge there are woman dressing rooms, pillars with mirrors, bathroom, comfortable chairs, plugs and information on other auditions – actors haven. If you’re non-equity, you’re sitting in the hall on these skinny little brown benches that make your butt go numb within ten minutes of sitting and you’re not allowed to use the bathroom.

No, I’m serious.

If you’re non-equity and you have to use the bathroom, you have to walk outside of the building and around the corner to the McDonalds. It really blew my mind but I’m not kidding you. It’s true.

Anyway, it just so happens I had to wait until 10am to go into the equity lounge because I had not picked up my EMC card yet, and the office didn’t open until then. Once I got my card, I thoroughly enjoyed my time sitting and waiting in equity lounge only to discover that at 12:00pm that EMCs will not, in fact, be seen.

It’s ok. I know it’s a tough market but what’s it going to take to be seen?! This is the second time I’ve gone out there and the second time I haven’t had a chance to sing. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not discouraged ALREADY! I’m just eagerly awaiting my turn. It’s coming. I know it.

Chapter 4 – New York, New York

The much-needed family visit was a success. Despite my misfit feelings I didn’t know I’d have to combat for as long as have and for as long as I currently foresee, I enjoyed spending time with my family. I never got to celebrate the soon-to-be arrival of Mr. Logan Joos, but with Ms. Lily Joos, I got to share in the joy of her almost birthday which is currently scheduled for March 12th.

Mom and I arrived in New York, New York on Monday, January 19, 2009. Eagerly anticipating my new apartment I had yet to see, we jumped into a cab and promptly gave him my street and the street crossing. It took at least three repeats for this cab driver to figure out where exactly we were going. This should have been my first clue.

My mom, four suitcases, a guitar, my cat and I arrived to my new apartment in Harlem at 10:30am and patiently waited for my roommate to arrive with my key. During the hour we waited, we managed to get into the “lobby” of my apartment complex which is about the space of two people standing in between two glass doors. Mind you – it’s snowing and we’re freezing. I noticed quickly that the bottom glass section of the door was completely shattered, so, I decided to check out the place. Well, at least see the front of my door.

I walked through the door and immediately suffocated by the smell of urine located – only God knows where, and I noticed the punched holes in the wall of the hall. My ears flooded with a screaming child, and a barking dog as I stared down at the concaved rock/marble/granite mismatched concaved stairs. Careful not to let any part of my clothing touch the now dirt filled walls, I walked to the third floor to see the door of what I would soon call home. My door is a metal door luckily enough to have a peep hole but slightly resembling the front of a single cell prison door. I half expected to see a police officer guarding the entrance. Feeling hopeless, I walked back towards my cat and my mom trying to shake the images of Basketball Diaries and my luxurious apartment in San Francisco.

Holding back tears and trying to safe face for my mom, my roommate arrived and handed me the keys to the apartment, and so began my journey in New York.

For the record, I am describing to you how I felt then and not how I feel now – 20 days later.

The apartment inside is so cosy and endearing. Yes, it is a hobbit hole. Yes, we call it the shire. Yes, we call my room “Fort Bev.” Yet, it is a home- my home - a home with all my stuff in it. I got to sleep in my bed, which I haven’t slept in for four months. It has a living room with two bookcases, a piano, a futon, a window. It has a little tiny kitchen with a half size stove that can only be opened when my bedroom door is closed. My room has my queen-sized bed lofted, but I can’t stand underneath it. The bed takes over the entire bedroom and one must “scoot” past the start of my bed frame that takes over 90% of my doorway to get to the closet and really the only spot in my entire room that one can stand up in. Seriously, I live in a closet with a bed in it. ☺ Despite my description, it’s really not that bad. I actually kinda love it. It’s small, cute, with a piano, a great roommate and my bed. It’s really just perfect for my first New York apartment.


The first week went by extremely quickly, I finally understood what “New York minute meant because a week went by and it felt like a day. My mind could not rest even at 4am in the morning because there was so much to focus on - to think about - to hope for.

It’s my time. This is going to take some time, but it is my time.

Chapter 3: The Road Trip

Day 1
The past 10 days have been filled with last minute details, packing, long drawn out goodbyes and tears. Lots and lots of tears.
However, the 4 day road trip started this morning at 9:20 am this morning after a fun filled evening with some dear friends, a sleepless night, and a tearful family "see you later."

I drove the first leg of the trip to Buttonwillow (took me to my junior high days). We stopped at Subway, which we discovered was owned by two guys named Nick and Rainy. Rainy? Really- was it rainy that day? I mean the poor kid. :) I walked into Subway, and I said, "May I please have an six inch Italian Spicy on the Italian Herb." She said, in this order, "What kind of bread? Would you like a six inch? The BLT of the Spicy?" I jumped over the counter and turned her hearing aid up.

We proceeded towards Flagstaff and witnessed a beautiful sunset leaving the brightest fullish moon to shine. The moon was so bright it cast shadows of trees, and we were left squinting debating whether or not we should purchase moonshades. We decided to stop in Needles for dinner, but we soon discovered - Needles = DARKSVILLE. Not a single light was shinning, and we were surrounded by houses and food business. Ok fine. We could see the light of a flickering tea light from the window of one of the houses, but even the street lights were out. Perhaps a blackout? Yet, the light of the 76 station remained shining. Nervous giggles filled our car as we U-turned away from the only living people in this desolate town on their two creepy bicycles that were moving towards us. We quickly got back on to the freeway singing, "bye bye bye darksville."

After sixty more min of driving we crossed the Arizona border and decide to stop at Wendy's in Kingsman. We were greeted by a very enthusastic employee who began explaining to us the bubble fight they were participating in the back, while randomly bursting into song and explaining to us how musical she is. I can't decide if my favorite part of the Wendy's experience was how she rellished in giving us free water, soda and sour cream or was it when she said, "I love living in small town because you know everyone. Do you guys live in Kinsman?" Tough call really. We left Wendy's only to be greeted with our first Squeaks scare.

She has been an angel the entire drive. I mean the entire drive. We get to the car and JS turns to me and says, "Have you seen Squeaks?" I reached around behind me and underneath my bed for she spent the first half of the trip underneath my seat. No Squeaks. She said, "I just saw a cat outside." I immediately leapt out of the car and saw this gray cat with a raccoon esk tail that looked exactly like this:

I yelled, "Sqeaks come here." This cat turns around and darts into the dropped off reviene next to the freeway. JS grabs Squeaks' food and we stand at the edge calling her - Squeaks! Squeaks! Squeaks! However, the freeway is so loud we can't even hear our own voices let alone expect Squeaks to hear us. Even the tapping of her food bowl will not bring her up this hill. JS turns to me and says, "are you sure she isn't in the car?" Sure enough. This cute sweet little cat is peering out the window looking at us saying, "what are you crazy kids doing?"

We continued on the I-40 and got to Flagstaff at 10:30pm. My angel cat continued to behave as she quietly sat in her carrier as we proceeded to sneak her into the hotel.

Day 2
We kept losing an hour as we continued our drive. So, we woke up at 7:00am, but it felt like 6:00am. We sat down and tried to enjoy our free continental breakfast. Yet, we shared our morning with a gentleman who has a 24 year old daughter who danced professionally for 20 years, but she no longer dances. She no longer dances. She no longer dances. I think he told us she no longer dances. 3 times. No, 12 times. It became a very awkward conversation, and we laughed while backing away - slowly.

We really wanted to get to New Orleans at a reasonable hour for dinner and to go out. So, we decided to push through and drive as far as we possibly could on this day. Then Day 3 would not be as grueling. So we drove through Arizona and New Mexico. We stopped at California Pizza kitchen in an outside mall in Albuquerque. We drove through the very boring scenery that is New Mexico and into Texas. Luckily, the billboards did not disappoint.
My favorites were in New Mexico - a huge billboard for Absence followed by - "wake up lucky." I wished they were next to each other. We had dinner in Texas at Applebees. This is what I learned: they cook everything soaked in butter. They smoke inside. It is stinky.

We got our second wind with our conversation down memory lane and we continued to drive to Witchita, Texas even after losing another hour. 12am we checked and sneaked Squeaks into our hotel. Texas loves Texas. I mean nobody loves Texas loves Texans.

Day 3
This morning was definitly the toughest. We struggled to wake up, and Squeaks wasn't even awake when the alarm clock went off. I knew it must have been early! Granted, it was 7:30 - but we were 2 hours ahead of what we were used to. Plus, we had been driving for the past two days! We should have known that today was going to be a tough day since it didn't start off the greatest. We wanted to grab breakfast and get in the car and go. We get there - no carry out. Ok, so we'll eat inside. Our choices were extremely limited, but we decided on cereal. Texas doesn't believe in low fat, so, I put whole milk into my cereal. JS goes to put milk in her cereal, but I had taken it all. Of course I gave her some, but there was no milk for tea and coffee. We thought we could hack it, but an hour into the drive the two of us start seeking out a Starbucks as we continue to incessantly yawn. We grabbed our coffee and proceeded to New Orleans. Yup, we were going to get there at 8pm.

Our directions started to become a little confusing as we drove through Texas. We were looking for 557 to get to 20, and we kept seeing signs for 20, but no 557. It just so happened that JS was talking to her mom at the time, so, we asked her to get us to the 20 because we think we veered off. We got to the 20 and continued on. We crossed the line into Louisiana and the landscape instantly changed. Actually, we noticed that about every state line. Every time we crossed one the terrain instantly changed. Louisiana had some gorgeous lush small hills especially compared to the vast planes of Texas and New Mexico.

Now, we were looking for Interstate 10. We saw LA 10 and decided that it MUST be the same thing. We continue down this LA 10, and it really should have caught us a little more off gaurd than it obviously did because we no longer were traveling with trucks. It was a two lane two way road surrounded by houses and people bike riding and essentially living their normals lives in LA. So, we dead-ended into the Mississippi River. No, really. It looked like this:
Notice how it was dusk? That's right. The sun is setting. We have no maps. We can't get my mom on the phone. We can't get the Whipples on the phone. We are lost in the heart of the country in Louisiana. My sister, JJ, got us through the country back to the 190 to the 10. We're both holding our breath as we stressfully pray we are going in the right direction. Please oh please may we not be lost here in the dark without a single public place in sight. Luckily, JJ got us back on the freeway back on track with no time lost. Guess we got lost in the right direction. We got to New Orleans right on time at 8pm.

However, NO is like San Francisco. I really should have gotten us a place to stay ahead of time because it was very difficult to just find parking and find a place. We were in a city and combatting one way streets. Luckily, JS' mom was there to save us. (again) We ended up finding a place through hotels.com, and they assured us that the $56 a night was a steal compared to the normal $120. So, I booked a spot immediately. We pulled up to the hotel only to discover that we must use vallet parking. Sure! Except - we have a cat that I am almost 99% sure is not allowed in this hotel. Again, I'm so lucky to have such an amazing kitty!!! We snuck her in, and no one was the wiser. After about 10 minutes of frustrating phone conversations and checking in arguing, we hit the town of New Orleans. We ended up on the famous Bourbon street, and we were greeted with the very thoughtful and generous cat calling, but the smoking inside still remained a joy kill. Plus we were bombarded with men from the army trying to talk to us about their wives and four children they left at home while showing us pictures of themselves taking shots from a woman's crotch. Those weren't even the worst ones because the other ones probably would have offended us we were told.

Disappointed with the scene, we were still grateful to be walking around, and not sitting in a car. We headed back to the hotel and leisurely woke up the next morning after putting our smoke filled cloths in quarantine. My hair still smells of smoke. The smoking inside made us smell more like smoke than smokers in California.

Day 4
We checked out and hit the road to Tampa at about 10am full knowing we had a 10 hour day ahead of us, and we were about to lose another hour. We weren't discouraged. We took pictures of the french quarters in the day time, and hit Interstate 10 in no time. We passed through Mississippi, Alabama and got to Florida by 2pm. It was so thrilling to drive through all those states in such a short amount of time, and the sites were breath taking. Mississippi had fantastic trees, Alabama had the confederate flag and Florida just had beautiful beaches through the pan handle. Frankly, I was surprised to see the offensive flag only in Alabama. I thought I would see it throughout Louisiana and Mississippi too.

We decided to stop for lunch at Subway since we really were trying to avoid eating so much fried food, and we found one - in a gas station. So there we are eating our subway sandwiches in a gas station. Comical really. We stopped for dinner around 8pm at Sonny's BBQ. After my mother gave us a little 20 minute detour, we ended up at my parents house in Tampa safe and sound. All is well.

Today I said my last CA goodbye as JS stepped on the plane after spending a week traveling with me across the USA. This heart-wrenching goodbye left me with the feeling of "the calm before the storm" for I feel like I've been on vacation galavanting across the United States and visiting my parents in Florida. Soon I will be in a snowing state with no job, no shows and two friends. Oh, and I'll have a cat. I love her. I have more things to say about my fears and worries about New York and how awesome it has been with my family. However, I will save that for another long post!

I have so many more photos. I'll post them on my photobucket... just give me a few days. There are some posted on facebook already - I'm happy to show you just let me know if you want to see them.

Sunday Part 2

It’s the second to last Sunday here in Mountain View!! In 13 days I will be somewhere in Arizona.

I’m sitting here in front of the television wearing my wool cashmere sweater and a purple scarf wrapped around my neck watching the movie/show that inspired it all! The four girls that I watched many hours over while debating whether or not I should move to NYC. The four girls that gave me the courage to pack up my bags in San Francisco and move! When I decided finally to move to New York, I watched many hours of this show to remind myself that I will have a blast despite the wretched turmoil that these four girls went through with love, men and work! Granted, they had each other, and my close network of friends will be strewn across California. It’s ok – that is what the Internet is for, and the telephone does wonders. Who knows what is in store for me, but I am starting to get extremely excited about the move. I am still terrified, but the excitement is taking over.

I spent this weekend looking for a winter coat! I went to Macy’s, Bloomingdales, Nordstrom and Burlington Coat Factory. Each store was covered with winter coats on sale. Macy’s even had a whole floor just for coats! I thought for sure that I would find at least ONE coat that was my size! Alas, I was incorrect. I did not find a coat in my size and I went to the stores at Valley Fair and the stores in San Francisco! I am a 4! A 4!!!!!! Is that really difficult to find? Yes. It is. There were only three 6’s in the entire store, and believe me I searched those stores like I was in ROSS! I suppose that I don’t have any choices left except to just wait until I get to New York. So, I finally buckled down and bought this down jacket that isn’t exactly CUTE, but at least I will be warm. I will be warm, and when I can get there I can look for a cute warm wool coat!

48 More Days.

The last few days really have given me the opportunity to reflect on what my life is going to be like in NYC. Since my show is open, and the Christmas show is right around the corner, plus - my friends are all moving forward and making their January 2009 plans.

My plans are stagnant.

Plain and simple: I have no plans right now except move to New York - in the dead of winter. I repeated over to myself a million times on Saturday night: it's going to be fine. I'm going to be fine. Everything is going to be fine.

I think I almost convinced myself.

Right now I feel sheer terror, and watching the days on the calendar dwindle closer and closer towards January 10th. It's a day that I have longed for since August when I made the decision to go, but now that it approaches so quickly, I'm freaking out! My life is here in California with perfect weather.

I need guidance.
I'm confused.

I promise not to post false things about my experience. I won't sugar coat , and I will dive in whole heartily with hope and determination. I will forgo my pride if things do not work out. If I find that I am happier here then I am there, I will come home. At the very very least I tried, and many of you who know me, know I will not not easily give up.

Back on Track

Each day things get just a bit easier, but today the holiday party invite that I had to No RSVP for was hard. It set me back, but it's ok. I cried, and feel better.

On the flip side, I talked to my New York roommate today, and yes things are still rolling with the move and I am extremely excited. While I was in Hawaii, we discovered that we got the apartment in Washington Heights! Of course, the money had to be wired the day before we got it essentially, and I was in Hawaii with no access to any bank or internet. I'm surprised Hawaii has running water.

So, the plan thus far, is to drive the car across country spend some time with my family in January, and my plane ticket is bought from Tampa, Florida to New York, New York on Monday January 19th.

It's been hard to be in this transition period for so long considering now that all my friends are looking for new shows to audition for and talking about their amazing callbacks. I am just sitting. waiting. anticipating. a future that is just right around the corner. Just get me through the holidays.

The Count Down to NYC begins.

The laundry list of events is piling up including: how I shaved off a layer of my skin on accident, the go carting experience on Saturday, Squeaks running into herself in the mirror, the hour before rehearsal last night at the pizza shop, the differences between suburbia and the city, but I think for some the anticipated results of the audition for Into the Woods is more of a pressing issue to divulge.

The audition itself went incredibly well. The usual self sabotage did take place, but I persevered and sang my very best. My reaction to the callback list happened to be the least anticipated; I felt relieved and overjoyed.

I have overcome so many obstacles my last three years in the bay area and to see that I was one of five people called back for Cinderella’s step sisters in a house with equity contracts with over 100 bay area actors auditioning felt like a paycheck. After all the hard work, I’m finally starting to go somewhere. All that said, I passed on the callback and decided to proceed with the move to New York.

So, it looks like I now have an official date of January 12th 2009.

My roommate and I put in an application for an apartment in Washington Heights, and we are eagerly awaiting the results. If that does not pan out, we have begun to aggressively search for places around the cheaper areas of Manhattan.

I’m filled with grief leaving the only area I have ever known and deeply love. The terrifying fear of failure is daunting, and I’m haunted by the fact I will be alone in a cut-throat city.

I will miss my support system of friends out here, and I hope to spend time with everyone before I leave because I will need you when I’m out there more than any other time I have ever needed you.

Anxiously Awaiting the Results?

I got typed out.

It's ok, really, I'm ok! He said, "I know you're Hispanic, but I think you're too mature looking."

I'll give you the full report, but I'm off to get my car, do some soul searching and then go to rehearsal.

I'm in the audition room now, as we speak...

...and I'm number 50!

I'll have to give you the full full report later when I get a chance to sing, and my anxiety level drops one million.

Just wanted to check into my world instead of looking at all the marias there are here in this room.

I'm Leaving Today

August 17th 2008

Having a family living 2 flights away for the last 9 years of my young adult life has meant: many tears, goodbyes, hellos, hugs, phone calls, emails but mostly, MANY FLIGHTS! Flying two flights three times a year means MANY hassles. Sitting next to a bright-eyed 22 year old New Yorker, I anxiously picked apart her brain as I embark on my new adventure. Yet, in our exchange, she picked apart MY brain about flying and traveling as she carried on her experiences, and for the first time I felt my age.

We sat on the run way of Charlotte, North Carolina for 20 minutes because of the thunder and lighting going on around us, and we both looked to each other in a slight panic. My panic mostly came from the sheer fact that I was now 2 hours away from New York, and I quickly discovered that her panic was because she was going to miss her connecting flight.

“I’m 22 and just graduated college and our family always drove when we went on vacation,” she said to me at one point. Instantly reminded of all the traveling hassles, I looked out the window to take in the thunderstorm and I knew this little blip would be exactly that a little blip. I was not about to tell her about the 6 hours I sat at JFK once because of the dark dark dark and dreary thunderstorm that made even the darkest new moon night look like early morning. I refrained from telling her about the time I took a red-eye and the weather/delays which caused me to miss my connecting flight that happened to be the last flight out of the airport. Yup, in the middle of nowhere, I’m shipped off to timbuck two with all my luggage and just me to shlep it around. Oh, maybe I could tell her about the time that they lost my luggage for 5 days, but they sent me a 500 dollar check to cover all the expenses that I incurred. Maybe a story of the MANY times that I have sprinting across the airport to make my connecting flight? No, that won’t comfort her Beverley…..Hmmm….. “Don’t worry, this won’t take long and you still have plenty of time to make your connecting flight,” I replied. Seemed the only appropriate thing to say, and for the record, I understand the condescending I-know-everything type of responses I used to get from parents now. I totally get it – I still hate it, so, I tried my hardest to sound hopeful instead of knowledgable. She took it well because she began to give me a glimps into her life in New York.

Returning from her recent vacation in the bay area, she compared where she lived in New York to Palo Alto and San Francisco with the only difference being that the public transportation was significantly better. She told me about the different sections of New York and more and more I started to feel comforted by the similarities to home. Yes, I know, I KNOW it will be completely different. The people will be colder, and I will have to experience the tourist – esk life of New York before I can really begin to find my way of life living in this state – particularly because I have not moved yet. ☺ I am just hoping that it will be similar enough for me to not feel completely isolated and empty.

Just as suspected, the delay took no time at all, and just like that the thunder and lighting ceased and we were getting off the plane. I turned to her, and I thought I met my first New Yorker – super nice and I helped her. I comforted her! Not exactly what I was expecting, but I’m not sure what I was expecting – her to slice my neck while screaming “I’m a mean New YORKER.”

I’m boarding my flight to LGA now.

Start Spreading The News...

Sitting at the gate at SFO the tears are streaming down my face as I sit here acting as if I’m moving today. Over the past few days my thoughts have been filled with nothing but joy and warmth as if my own personal world here in San Francisco was coming with me on this trip to NYC. Choking on my excitement before and now I sit here feeling completely lost. I’m totally supported and incredibly loved, but yet, I feel alone. I feel isolated. I feel like I’m boarding this plane, and leaving San Francisco, my home and my life behind. It’s just a couple of days. Just a couple of days. I need to remind myself of it. It’s just a couple of days, but a couple of days that I wanted.

My feelings are getting in the way, and I’m loosing site of why I really am going to New York this weekend. I’m auditioning for a broadway show! Ha…. Wow, lets look at that again.

I’m auditioning for a Broadway show.

I’m still in utter silent shock. I can’t believe that I would attempt to accomplish this. I must be crazy!

I’m tired. My brain needs a rest, and tomorrow will be so amazing in everyway.