I have this wonderful gift or curse, depends on you look at it, with getting into arguments with myself. I share my thoughts with my friends who try to relate, and then I argue. It's really a vicious circle, but at least I can laugh at it. Recently the subject for immediate ponder and cause for perplexity is dating.
I've been a serial dater my young adult life. Just one relationship into the next with maybe a 4 month break in between here or there, and usually these relationships span about one – three years in length. Some relationships have been with REAL losers, and I've known it. Yet, I stayed. Mental, I know. I'm older and wiser now, and with knowledge and age, comes the land of lifetime commitment. I am not sure quite how it happened, but one day I woke up; the two year mark of my relationship is creeping up, and everyone is asking me about wedding bells.
I do not hear any wedding bells. Are they silent?
Pash and I have been seeing each other for almost two years, and I am quite happy. However, I am starting to become extremely pensive about this whole marriage thing. Am I supposed to KNOW already if I want to get married to him? I guess the answer is: I don't know if I want to get married to him. This concerns me because I am not apposed to the idea of getting married. I even would go as far as to say that some day I do want to get married. So, I've always thought that I will know. I guess I just assumed that I would know right away. However, I am so focused on my near future; I haven't even given a thought to the BIG future. Is that bad?
Don't get me wrong, I know that it sounds like I'm saying " I don't see myself with Pasha forever." BUT, I don't see myself without him either. I basically don't see my long term future. I would be DEVASTATED if Pasha and I broke up, but I would be DEVASTATED if he asked me to marry him. What does this mean?
Speaking of asking, I have another question…. Is it true that people purpose only when they know that the answer is going to be yes? I mean asking someone to spend the rest of their life with you is A LOT different than hey, can I have your number? But if you already know that the answer is going to be yes, what is the point in asking? I mean, right?
Ok, I am contemplating relationships and dating when I should be focused on the fact that I am singing in Cinderella tonight, and I have done nothing in the beauty department to get ready for the role. My eyebrows are out of control. People are going to be confused about which musical they are seeing… is she singing Cinderella or Beast?
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