It’s true. I have not updated in a long time, but do you want to know how long and drawn out and how sad things have been as I struggle through the transition of this move?
My last post is still true, but this time I’m watching my life wind down quickly and quietly here in the Bay Area.
Do I Hear A Waltz closed this past Saturday, and my heart grew heavy with goodbyes because it marked the start of all my goodbyes. My friends are trying to squeeze time in for me with the holidays, and each time we see each other there is this tinge of – will this be the last time? I am aware that this move doesn’t have to be forever, but it doesn’t make it any easier. I keep reminding myself that even if I stayed things would be different. I’m looking at the people around me and seeing how their lives are moving forward, growing, changing and it would still be happening even if I was staying here. It is hard to leave comfort for the unknown, and I am finding the courage within myself that I didn’t even know I had. I keep saying over and over and over – if it doesn’t work out, just come home.
Even with that said, I’m feeling like a misfit. I still don’t really have a place. This bouncing around and lack of nesting is making me feel a little “I don’t belong.” I have faith that soon enough everything will fall into place, but the months of dragging on and leading up to this move has been painful. While I’d like to say that I wouldn’t do it again, so many great great great things happened in these past few months that never would have happened if I had left. For that I am grateful, and I am so glad that I stayed despite the fact I feel like I’m dragging my heels.
The Christmas show I worked on simultaneously with Waltz presented a very touching moment in my career. It was great to work with the kids, but also great to work with an amazing director and other amazing acting adults who shared their wisdom in living and experiencing NYC. I also got some great contacts that I will follow up on.
I put in my last invoice yesterday, and a coworker of mine gave me the 2nd Lil’ Wayne cd. It was very touching because I think we’ve had one conversation about how I like Lil’ Wayne, but maybe the fact that I do is so jarring to someone it is hard to forget! The last few days here at work have been great. We’re wrapping up the web project, well, phase 1 at least. So, now I’ve been asked to sing in a video for the company, and it’s been a lot of fun. I’m getting paid to sing!
I’m still trying to figure out what type of job I need to get in New York, but that is going to take some time to figure out. I think I need to spend more time with the people and with the scene.
Ok. That’s it for now.
Merry Christmas.
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