The Struggle

And so laziness ensues as the free time amounts, and this entry is brought to you by a big ‘ole pigglie wigglie stuffed on taffy cookies and salami. Yummmmm!!!

So, instead of attacking my laundry list of items that include: painting my cupboard, hanging my pictures, working on my show pictures, organizing under my bed, putting together my web portfolio, do my laundry, figure out what I’m getting people for Christmas, book my Christmas plane ticket, working on a monologue, get some freelance work…etc., I have decided to try and figure out what I am going to do with my life.

Ha.
Yeah Right!

However, I’m feeling like my interests are stretched too thin these days, and for some society-motivated or no reason, I am trying to sort it all out. I go through these moods a lot as I seemingly race against the clock, but then the harsh slap of reality reminds me that I’m only 25, but I won’t be this “young” for the rest of my life. When I turn 70, am I still going to be saying that I’m only 70? These unrealistic and non existent timelines have been beaten into my brain one way or another, and I’m feeling suffocated in my own struggle to keep my head above water while maintaining happiness in my “youth”.

There is something in my life that always seems to be lacking, and I find myself more and more these days either wishing away time, or wondering why I didn’t use my time more efficiently in the past.

Now, I’m on this constant search to find my niche.- the career and life that I enjoy, where I’ll make a difference and where I’ll excel at. I find that most of the things I love to do, I really don’t have a competitive skill in.

I’m dabbling in a million different career areas, and I’m finding that my skill level for my age in any given subject is nowhere near par. Is this because I am spreading my self so thin that I am not allowing myself to really focus on a couple of things, and hone my craft long enough to sustain myself and my obsession with nice shoes?

Can a person be really good at multiple things in life that are on all parts of the brain?

When does the time come to realistically analyze your work, your craft, your talent, your skills and really be able to define your niche?

It could be worse, I know. I have a roof over my head, jobs, family that loves me and food on my table every day. (this is obviously true by the gut in my stomach growing larger and larger NOT due to pregnancy).

It’ll be fine. I’ll just keep on trucking, and doing what I love doing regardless. Something has to work out… it always does.