The Unknown in the Familiar

When I first moved to New York, my very first waitressing job and my first job in new york was at the restaurant that I worked at for 1.5 years before I decided to go to Cap21. When I decided to quit, I had all these mixed feelings because I knew I wanted to pursue acting, but I loved the people that I worked with. Plus, the social aspect of working at a restaurant doesn't parallel with any other job. I also felt like I was becoming a career waitress and feeling stuck in my art which is why I left to go to school. I left in July so I could have a break and fly to California for Ash's wedding (whose birthday is also today.) Then in August, the restaurant closed for the month of September to become a brand new restaurant with the same owners.

Friday was the opening day of this amazing place, and while a lot of the staff is coming back, they have hired new people which need to be trained. In the interim time, some of the "old timers" are coming back for guest appearances myself included. When I first said I'd do it, I thought that it would be great since I can't truly have a job while I'm at school, I can pick up a few extra shifts as need be. I didn't anticipate the effect working there would have on me. So, this week I have three shifts, and I'm very grateful for them because I need the extra funds no doubt. Today was my first two hour appearance, and I felt so awkward.

I knew that place like the back of my hand and everything was different. When it was busy, I moved around there like I was sleep walking. Don't get me wrong - I worked very hard, but it's a second nature to me. Then today the place looks the same and the table numbers are the same, but EVERYTHING IS DIFFERENT. I felt like that old "remember when" conversation that people have when there is nothing else to talk about. I was trying to find something familiar in this completely new world.

Then I had these overwhelming "why did I leave" emotions flooding me because I was thinking about how comfortable I felt then compared to how extremely uncomfortable I felt today. I started feeling like everything around me was completely changing and I was just floating by never changing always being the same. Even catching up with some of my friends, I realized that so much has been going on that I am completely out of the loop on. I'm excited and a little anxious to work the next couple of shifts I have. I hope the uneasy feeling goes away.

I understand that life changes, but there is a reason the word.. "comfort"-able exists.