You know San Francisco has taken over your life when...

You can no longer park on street curbs; you can only parallel park.

Your rent is higher than some mortgages.

You have forgotten how to use a dishwasher. So what, you accidentally put dish soap in the dishwasher and created a mountain high soap sud bath in the kitchen at your sister's house. That's right sister, you just keep believing that the dishwasher malfunctioned causing you to have a FULL clean out without any dishes.

You can no longer sleep with out the sirens, beeping horns and revving motorcycles.

It takes you one hour and forty five minutes to go 5 miles.

You make one wrong turn, and you're in a different country.

You make one wrong turn off an exit, and you're on the bay bridge.

You learn the importance of flipping a b*tch on a one way street.

When parking in a parking lot with out having to pay seems ludicrous.

Driving anywhere becomes a battle field, and you start to thank your lucky stars that you played Mario Cart as a child. Who said video games were good for nothing?

The smell of urine feels like home.

You look forward to a trip to Target.

The Struggle

And so laziness ensues as the free time amounts, and this entry is brought to you by a big ‘ole pigglie wigglie stuffed on taffy cookies and salami. Yummmmm!!!

So, instead of attacking my laundry list of items that include: painting my cupboard, hanging my pictures, working on my show pictures, organizing under my bed, putting together my web portfolio, do my laundry, figure out what I’m getting people for Christmas, book my Christmas plane ticket, working on a monologue, get some freelance work…etc., I have decided to try and figure out what I am going to do with my life.

Ha.
Yeah Right!

However, I’m feeling like my interests are stretched too thin these days, and for some society-motivated or no reason, I am trying to sort it all out. I go through these moods a lot as I seemingly race against the clock, but then the harsh slap of reality reminds me that I’m only 25, but I won’t be this “young” for the rest of my life. When I turn 70, am I still going to be saying that I’m only 70? These unrealistic and non existent timelines have been beaten into my brain one way or another, and I’m feeling suffocated in my own struggle to keep my head above water while maintaining happiness in my “youth”.

There is something in my life that always seems to be lacking, and I find myself more and more these days either wishing away time, or wondering why I didn’t use my time more efficiently in the past.

Now, I’m on this constant search to find my niche.- the career and life that I enjoy, where I’ll make a difference and where I’ll excel at. I find that most of the things I love to do, I really don’t have a competitive skill in.

I’m dabbling in a million different career areas, and I’m finding that my skill level for my age in any given subject is nowhere near par. Is this because I am spreading my self so thin that I am not allowing myself to really focus on a couple of things, and hone my craft long enough to sustain myself and my obsession with nice shoes?

Can a person be really good at multiple things in life that are on all parts of the brain?

When does the time come to realistically analyze your work, your craft, your talent, your skills and really be able to define your niche?

It could be worse, I know. I have a roof over my head, jobs, family that loves me and food on my table every day. (this is obviously true by the gut in my stomach growing larger and larger NOT due to pregnancy).

It’ll be fine. I’ll just keep on trucking, and doing what I love doing regardless. Something has to work out… it always does.

Brokenhearts

7:00 am came very early this dark and dreary Monday morning in October. How can a Monday compare to another weekend jam packed with fun filled events? It can’t.

I had been dreading Friday October 5th for quite sometime, but I am very pleased to report -it went off with out a hitch. Having an extremely friendly audience made up of mine and Gianni’s perspective friends, helped ease my nerves. Gianni started off with “Black Coffee”, which I followed with a rendition of Charlie Chaplin’s “Smile.” The sound system was very difficult to get used to. I could hear a metallic and brassy sound coming through the mic, so, I tried to compensate, and my sound became un-focused and breathy. This was quickly rectified when we sang “Two Lost Souls,” which I followed with Patsy Cline’s “Crazy.” Gianni’s rich baritone voice did justice to “Under appreciated,” and then the show-stopping moment for me was “I Know the Truth.” It was my favorite song to sing, and the crowd seemed to really enjoy it. Other crowd pleaser's included, “Don’t rain on my Parade”, “Heartbreak Hotel” and “Diamonds are Forever.” We ended the show with Destiny’s Child “Survivor,” which ended up being fun, although, I sounded shrill at times according to my bio chemist boyfriend.

I’m still coming down from the show. Although it was only one night, Gianni and I both put a lot of work into the production, and I am now only working on a Gala. It’s a lot to come down from, but I defiantly could use the break. I just don’t know what I am going to do with my time!

So sad.

October 14, 2005 my young beautiful nephew was born into the loving arms of Jackie and Douglas Joos in Tampa, FL.

October 28, 2005 Hanson was playing at the house of blues in St. Petersburg, FL.

Momentarily overcome with glee, I seized the opportunity to visit my adoring baby nephew, and go see Hanson perform in St. Petersburg.

This wham bam thank you mam type of visit I obviously rationalized with HANSON playing. :)

Then hurricane "I mess everything up" tacked St. Petersburg the same weekend, thus, Hanson canceled their show. I really don't CARE that we all might be standing out side in the pouring rain potentially being ran-sacked by the wind. I have seen March of the Penguins and I have seen Happy Feet. I fully believe that I could have gotten the entire group to emulate the dad penguins huddling together in the snow storms. If the penguins could do it, The Floridian fansons and I could do it.

The worst part is the Floridians weren't afraid of this hurricane Hanson, it had already passed by the time Saturday night came. PLUS, it wasn't even raining. Aren't you from Tulsa? Don't you get worse storms then these?

Alas, Hanson had no regard for my pleas, and proceeded to cancel their concert.

THEN they went on tour ONLY on the East Coast. WHA?

NOW THIS!!!!!!

Please get better Issac.
The Fillmore needs you!!

Another year...

How many people can say they have a friend that:

took you into their family’s house half way though your senior year in high-school because your family decided that Tampa, Florida would be much nicer than Mountain View, Ca?

stays up late every night eating ice cream and watching you try to watch tv?

still hangs out you even though you make fun of all her dogs?

watches your cat for you while you’re traveling?

let’s you sleep in the same bed because you’re having nightmares after watching the movie: A Beautiful Mind?

let’s you sleep in the same bed just because you don’t get to see her very much as it is…so you might as well be close always?

makes fun of the fact that you have been known to sing in your sleep?

helps you move. Every year. For the last 7 years?

convinces you that you can sing…even though you really can’t…but knows that someday you will because you love doing nothing else?

didn’t like you when they first met you?

takes you on family vacations?

knows you’re the good daughter?

helps you design?

goes to all your shows?

cleans up your room in “Heartbreak Hotel”?

lets you be crazy. All the time, but treats you like your normal. Most of the time?

get’s mad that you’re bringing a pie?

help’s you find your easter basket?

watches that’s so raven with you?

lets you laugh about events in the office over and over and over?

shows you funny math jokes?

lets you bug them all day long?

has every class with you, works on shows with you, lives with you and you’re still friends?

helps show you that you’re not small?

teaches you how to fold your laundry?

teaches you to fly a kite?

takes you on your first sailing trip ever – at Shoreline?

takes you everywhere because you didn’t get your license till you were 18?

takes you to the airport at least 4 times a year?

makes Christmas cookies with you?

helps you with neat “parent” day gifts?

goes with you to the dermatologist because you think you have chicken pox again…and really it’s just adult acne?

understand the fact that you get pink eye every year?

knows how to avoid being “a hater”?

makes you a colorful box to remind you that you are colorful and not a dark bleak box?

tries to protect you from your stalker. Your real stalker that has made you afraid of living your own life?

can put her entire “face” on in the car while driving down Foothill Expressway?

takes care of your zits – in your ear?

helps plan your birthday party, even though, the required equipment may include: pepper spray and a tazer?


I do, and it’s her birthday today. I gave her a card similar yesterday at her birthday dinner, but I figured the world must now how great she is!


Happy Birthday Ashley.

Double Show’s = Double Duty.

I’m not feeling particularly witty this fine fallish morning in San Francisco. Trying to do 8 shows in one year, while going to school part time, working full time, having friends and having a steady boyfriend, is proving to be mighty difficult, and my energy is slowly getting sucked out of me, but I won't feel that way for long. Sheer exhaustion takes over my brain from time to time, and I am starting to feel a little overwhelmed looking at my schedule that now has bathroom breaks incorporated. It won't be for an extended amount of time, since the shows will be closing, and my go-getter nature will prevail. Mom’s out there MUST be laughing, but I'm just tired today.

Yesterday afternoon, I spent 12pm – 2pm rehearsing the musical numbers for the “Brokenhearts Club” that is premiering on Friday October 5, 2007 at Octavia Lounge staring Gianni Michael Lyle and myself. For me, it has been a bumpy ride to the finish line, and I am looking forward to crossing it.

I’m a soprano, and I sing a lot of Rogers and Hammerstein. For this show, I am singing a lot of belting songs that I perhaps will not rock as well as say “Mister Snow,” but I am going to sing those songs in my own voice. I have to remember that anything done in life should be fun and fulfilling. Otherwise, why do it? I am never going to survive in this cut throat world if I refuse to embrace the essence of myself… I just have to find it. Am I really going to be searching forever?

Gianni and I have talked about singing together since we were little peons at Cushman and Wakefield. So, the actualization of this project has been quite an accomplishment for the two of us, and the end result has formed itself into an entertaining evening jam packed with the tale of our broken hearts, how we found each other and survived. For our audience, the show will inevitability be a "cute" entertaining evening of -oh-look-at-bev-and-gianni-singing. I am reminiscent of the ever so familiar dance recitals at age 5 with the family taking pictures, video, and ooing and awing for my sister and I picking the wedgie our perspective leotards caused in front of a packed theatre. GRRRREEEEAAAAT. For Gianni and I, it actually means so much more, and I hope our friends and family will get past the "cute" aspect and see it.

On top of rehearsing for the Cabaret show, we started rehearsals yesterday evening for the Gala. I was originally cast in a show called “Anatomy,” which due to unfortunate circumstances, I could not participate in. Instead, I will be partaking in the Gala for lamplighters. I love the lamplighters as a group. I think they are a lot of fun, and so far the beginning stage of this show entertains me. I look forward to the process, and the show coming together.

Update on Audition: I did end up going to the callback. It did not go as well as I had hoped, and I have not heard from them. It’s ok. You win some and loose most. Besides, it was an equity house. I feel lucky to even be called back… Compared to last year, this is a much better place to be in.

Love is in the Air in San Francisco

Monday’s are starting to feel like a time warp because of the incredible fun that happens over the weekend! This weekend out turned out to be no exception, but this week is going to be overloaded with rehearsal.

When Pasha and I first met, our third date was San Francisco’s love parade. The love parade is basically an outside rave with 25 different floats each playing a different type of electronic music, and they parade down Market Street till they get to the Civic Center. Once at the Civic Center, they park their floats all around for the entire day until their perspective “after-parties.”

Pasha LOVES drum and base. My just-stepped-off-the-gap-poster-never-done-a-single-“bad-boy”-type-
of-thing-or-even-smoked-a-cigerette boyfriend can dance ALL NIGHT LONG to drum and base. He LOVES it. I completely understand the correlation between Dave Matthews and Seal to drum and base? He’s cute with an eclectic taste in music.

My favorite band is Hanson.

So, the Love Parade has never quite been my “thing,” but I go for him because I love him, and because of the company, it turns out to be a good time. Plus, the event is starting to become nostalgic because we have gone together for three years in a row.

The first year we went with Liz danced all day, and then Liz and I went to the Green Day concert with Ashley.

The second year, I went with just Pasha and I ended up loosing my brand new camera in cab. (That sucked).

This year I went with just Pasha, and I remembered to bring my camera (in a purse this time), but I LEFT THE BATTERY OUT OF THE CAMERA. One of these days I am going to loose my head!

The weather was absolutely gorgeous. I could not get over how warm it was in San Francisco. For some reason, the love parade is always on a day with excellent weather. I also forgot how many *T.A.P.’s I was going to see. I think I was so awe struck with Pasha the first two years that I completely forgot how many T.A.P’s I was going to see. I mean REALLY! Of course, all of the naked men running around were over the age of 55, and although it might be attractive to some, I was really disgusted. I mean all the women running around looked like models in their 20’s. WHY couldn’t the competition be fair?! I couldn’t even find ONE dude that compared to the eye candy he was obviously trying to avoid by focusing solely on me. I appreciate him trying because it was hard for me to divert my eyes.

This was just one event in the fun-filled weekend that included The Office Season 3, Mac and Cheese, Film in the Fog showing Creature of the Blue Lagoon, Wine and cheese, Liverpoolils, Downtown shopping, and Dinner at Chevy’s for Ash’s birthday.

*Please email me for clarification of T.A.P’s